DH is making no bones about his future reproductive intentions. Every time I mention the possibility that I might want a third child -- maybe, someday a long time from now -- he literally gets green in the face. He takes me firmly by the shoulders, looks deep into my eyes and says, "No more."
He is done having children.
While I was pregnant with Baby C, I was in complete agreement. And since we were in agreement, we starting throwing around the "V"-word... as in, vasectomy.
DH discussed the operation with a mutual friend of ours who had his guys snip-snipped after the birth of their one and only child. I talked openly about our intention to get DH "fixed" after Baby C's arrival. We were sure, positive, informed and ready.
But when C joined our family, I quickly realized I'd be able to love not only the two God gave me... but three children... or four... or, like the Duggars, 19. I realized that what so many mothers had told me was true: that a mother's love knows no bounds. Not only that, but what would we do if -- God forbid -- one of our children died? What if I died? I'd want DH to be able to have more children in a second marriage.
So for me, the door to more children isn't entirely closed, while the door to a vasectomy definitely is. Our plan is to continue with our current method of birth control -- an IUD -- until it expires (which isn't for another ten years). Then, and only then, will we resume the discussion of permanent sterilization.
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I'm sorry. I've been with the BF for almost 6 years (we have lived together for 5 and bought a house a couple of years ago, so we are pretty much married), and he recently told me that he doesn't know if he wants kids AT ALL! What the heck am I supposed to do?
No snip-snipping going on over here! Sean would agree with DH, no more. Unfortunately, I'm not as convinced. Some days I'm sure two (one boy, one girl) is the perfect number. But there are days when I do wonder if a third wouldn't really complete the V family. ;) This is something that will be up for discussion once E heads to preschool, or possibly Kindergarten... Being able to be okay financially, while also providing the opportunities (preschool, dance, ect) we want for our kids, is obviously important. If having another baby means E and G can't go to good preschools or be involved in sports and activities, then I just don't think it's the right decision for us. We'll see what the future holds! :)
(Ashley Stone Photography, by the way. Very talented!)
E - LOL... I'm impressed on DH's willingness. I keep telling DH if he doesn't want anymore, he should get snipped, but he isn't ready to go there yet... I think it is hard to be ready & to know that you are done...
Michelle - I know you aren't asking me, but I can tell you as someone who suffered through infertility with a guy who was fully on board at the start & by the end (a year later when I conceived) had moved towards never wanting kids... Not sure he even wanted me... Having kids is not something you can compromise on. There is just no compromise. So what you have to answer for yourself is this... Can you live without him in the desire to take a chance on having a child? Or are you happy enough that you'd rather live without the possiblity of a child. I wish I could help you, but only you can answer this. Hugs!
In our case, it will definitely be "to snip". It is going to take some definitely cajoling to get me to agree to a second, and I know without a shadow of a doubt I have NO desire for any more than that. I'm hesitant enough about a second, esp. with twins in my family!!!
If it came down tosomething like me passing and him wanting a family after, vasectomies are generally reversible (I know it's not easy or painless, but it's possible if you want it enough), so that factors into it as well.
My husband had the big V many years ago. When he had it we didn't know I was already pregnant with our third daughter.
We were both happy to have another child and relieved that there wouldn't be any more.
Having three was the exact right number for us. He had health problems by then but what a blessing having the third one was.
It's not an easy decision.
Blessings, B
Well to cut the BF some slack, we're only 22, so we've never really had a completely sit down serious conversation about it. I'm just hoping as he ages he'll want some.
Sounds like the discussion at our house. Right now, 2 is our perfect number. But, while we were sure Eric would be getting the snip sometime before Brennan's first birthday, now we're not so sure. We're open to the idea of more kids someday if that's where God leads us. And in the meantime, we're just playing it safe and taking other precautions. How do you like the IUD? I've never had one, and had a bad reaction to the pill when I went on after B's birth (so I'm back off of it-- I was dizzy, nauseous, and had a whole host of other issues). I only know a handful of people who have/have had them, and it's pretty split down the middle of love it or hate it.
I should add, just for the sake of sharing, that there is a urologist in Austin named (I kid you not) Dr. Dick Chop. Seriously.
He'll totally do D's vasectomy when the time comes :P