My neighbor is pregnant.
I've seen the UPS man deliver a crib-sized mattress to her house. I've seen her and her husband painting the room I know will be their nursery. I've seen her growing belly as she walks the dogs.
The key here is that I've seen these things; I haven't been told them. My neighbor and I aren't exactly close. Actually, we haven't even spoken since the day she and her husband moved in more than two years ago. I know his name is Scott. I know her name starts with a "C" and is something exotic-sounding, but for the life of me I can't remember what it is.
I saw her the other day, carrying groceries into her front door, and yearned to say something. To wish her well on the birth of her first child. To share a quippy anecdote only a pregnant woman and a was-pregnant-fairly-recently woman could understand.
But I didn't.
The thing is, I've done this before.
Several years ago, there was another woman who lived across the street -- in that house -- who was pregnant. She reads my blog, and I hope she won't be offended that I'm sharing this story. In fact, we were pregnant at the same time. I watched as her belly grew while she walked her dog; I saw her and her husband lovingly prepare that same bedroom for their firstborn, painting it the exact same shade of green I would ultimately choose for G's nursery.
Because we already had a friendship, I did call out to her when I saw her carrying bags into the front door. We shared decaf drinks at Starbucks; we shared long walks through the neighborhood, trying to avoid as much pregnancy weight gain as possible; we shared our hopes -- and fears -- for the future.
And, as life is apt to do, things started to change. Motherhood took us in different directions, both figuratively and literally. She and her husband decided to move to a different neighborhood. We sought out different friendships. We had different parenting styles. Nothing bad, just different -- but different enough that the bond we'd shared throughout our pregnancies wasn't enough to keep us together.
I wonder what would happen if I called out to my new neighbor, the one who is pregnant now. I wonder if -- just as it happened years ago -- we would become friends. I wonder if our children would grow up together. I wonder if we'd run over to each others front door, not to ask for a cup of sugar or an egg, but to tell a story that just couldn't be shared over the phone.
I don't know if I'll reach out to my new neighbor. But I do know, no matter what happens, it will never be the same as it was when my old neighbor lived in that house.
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This actually made me get a little teary-eyed... I have many fond memories of that house and of our preparations for Gracie's birth... I also have lots of great memories of our friendship and our time as neighbors. Of all that has changed, the way in which I look back at that time never will.
It's just not like it used to be, being friendly with the neighbors. I've lived in my house for almost 3 years and my next door neighbors are jerks and the house across the street have seen new residents about every 6 months. It sucks. Maybe she feels the same as you and is weary of making the first move. Go on ahead, it can't hurt!
It's amazing how our lives constantly change. Frienships come and go for so many reasons. I am sure it's hard for you to see this new neighbor and reflect on what once was. How ironic of a setup! Personally, I would say it couldn't hurt to say hi to her, and even if a close friendship doesn't develop, it's still nice to be friendly with your neighbors. Good for them to know what your dog looks like, in case she escapes, good to know what an unfamiliar face (aka robber) may look like that doesn't belong around your yard, etc.
Don't be that too busy with my own kids neighbor! Go say hi and ask if she has made plans for someone to walk her dogs while she's in labor and staying at the hospital. You never know, she could BE that bff neighbor for you. Or she could be a military spouse, tired of maing friends just in time to move away again. She could be having a baby hundreds of miles from family and wondering who's going to feed the dogs while she's in labor for 50 hours. Go! Go say hi again!
I know what you mean. My neighbor across the alley was this same way. She was pregnant while I did the walk around the blocks after having my son. We became friends and our strollers became the baby brigade in our small town. Then I moved across town, (a whole 2 minutes away) and then she moved 10 minutes and it might as well be 10 states. She has different friends now and it's weird.
Go reach out to this young mother. You never know!
Good luck!
The Man and I are lucky enough to live in a neighborhood where we are very close with most of our neighbors and our kids play together outside frequently. I hope that you do decide to reach out to your new neighbor because even if they don't stay for long, at least you'll have someone close to share some time with for the time being!
WM
I think this is very interesting. My sister in law got very close with all her nieghbors in a very new developement. Sadly, now this one doesn't talk to that one and it is a hot mess. Yet, I wish I did have neighbors to chat with. We are all friendly and will say hi while walking the dog but not come over for a cup of coffee friend. MAybe with this neighbor there is somewhere in the middle..not as close as the former neighbor, but perhaps someone to have the occasional playdate or nice chat at the bus stop in a few years.
You never know... she may really be in need of a friend. I agree with most of these ladies here... go say Hi and get to know her a little. Enjoy wherever it takes you. She may become your next closest best friend that you could not live without. You could be the answer to her prayers. You just never know until you give it a try! Whatever happened to everyone knowing everyone anyway?
I say open the door. I grew up in the sticks (literally, cows lived next door), so we didn't have many neighbors, but the one we did - man, they were my brother & my best friends. Helped that it was also a older brother (same age) & younger sis (1 yr. apart) situation.
We may have grown apart, but the memories I have are ones I cherish. Even if you never become great friends with her, you've opened the door for the kids & that is what truly matters...