My Kid Can't Always Be Wrong  

I hate disciplining my child.

If you'd asked me -- or my husband -- before we had children which one of us would be the "bad cop," we'd both have said me. I'm far more structured, less apt to go with the flow, and far crankier than DH. But as G has grown, it is I who is the softy.

A lot of the time, I let small infractions go with a simple apology instead of a more severe punishment like time out or taking away toys or privileges. But other times -- specifically when we're in social situations with friends or family -- I have to be stricter.

Not long ago, I was at a friend's house for a playdate. Now, I subscribe to the playdate mantra of "while the children play, the moms talk" -- and that's exactly what we were doing. But it seemed like every time I left the room, one of G's little playmates started to cry.

At first, I found myself growing frustrated with G. Why couldn't she play nicely with her friends (and give me some much-needed adult time)? Then, I started paying attention... and made a pretty shocking discovery.

I found that G was, indeed, the instigator of the situation. Her friend was playing with a toy that G wanted; but her friend was also ignoring G's repeated requests for a turn. Ultimately frustrated, G snatched the object out of her friend's hand. And her friend started to cry...

And when a child cries, adults come running...

And when the adults came running, the "injured" child got her toy back... and my child continued to wait, and wait, and wait for her turn.

This happened over and over and over again throughout the course of the afternoon. G kept looking like the bad kid, and maybe I looked like the bad mom for not interfering more directly. In my defense, a friend of mine who teaches preschool says it's important for kids to start learning how to sort things out on their own about this age, and that's what I was doing... I was trying to see how -- or really, if -- G could handle it herself.

G might have had grabby hands, but her friend wasn't sharing. G might have had grabby hands, but her friend was being a tattle tale. G might have had grabby hands, but her friend was manipulating the situation exactly the way he wanted to, so he would end up with the toy.

My kid can't always be wrong. I'm not defending her actions, but I think the parent of the little boy should have taken a different approach to the situation. I think she should have stepped back, and let the toddlers try to reach a solution on their own. I think if she hadn't leapt to her son's defense at every opportunity, then her son wouldn't have continued to manipulate the situation to her advantage. I think her son would have learned a more valuable lesson, like sharing, instead of learning that every time he cries he gets his way.

What do you think? What do you do when you find yourself in these parenting conundrums?