This is something I really didn't want to write about on this blog. It's something that left me feeling embarrassed, untethered and like a failure.
So then why am I sharing it anyway?
Because I'm pretty sure I'm not the only person to ever feel this way and--what the heck--misery wants company.
It all began when G was born; no, I'm not making that up, the source of this shame really does go back that far. When she was born in September--smack on the wrong side of the "public school admissions cusp," I concocted a plan:
My not-so-secret plan drew a lot of ire from my friends, whose children's birth
dates also lie perilously close to the haphazard line drawn in the sand by our local public school district. Some friends thought I'd be pushing G; others saw its merit, but didn't think it would work. Others supported me to my face, but I'm pretty sure laughed about my rigid determination behind my back.The first part of the plan encompassed G's first three years; it involved exposing her to as many wonderful things as possible, giving her the life experiences I thought would shape a toddler into a fuller person. On this level, I think I've been fairly successful.
The second part of the plan is where I've failed her miserably. A child of Montessori school myself, I thought it would be the perfect environment for her first taste of formal education (if you can ever call a Montessori education "formal"--it's kind of an oxymoron). I thought the "go at your own pace, pursue your own interest" mindset of a Montessori would give G the best shot at entering kindergarten a year ahead of where the public schools would want to place her based solely on age.
It was all working out fine... until G got rejected from the Montessori to which we'd applied.
The reason? She was (and I am not making this up), in the words of the headmaster, "Too advanced."
Now, my kid is not a savant; she probably isn't even the genius I make her out to be. But, because of what I'm sure is a photographic memory (it's not that far-fetched; I am also blessed/cursed with this "skill"), she has had an easy time memorizing her numbers, letters, shapes, colors, etc. Apparently, that is what made her "too advanced" for the two-year-old classroom next fall at our local Montessori (which was unwilling to budge on it's September 1st cutoff and move her up to the three-year-old room). It left my daughter with no place to go.
Shame. Guilt. Fear. Failure. I felt awash in negative emotions, most of them on G's behalf. There she was, happily playing with her "Little People Barn," completely unaware of the travesty of educational injustice that had just been executed against her. Me? I was drenched in my own tears, bawling like a toddler who'd just been told (for the 18th time), "No, we are not going to the zoo today."
Haven't we all--at some point--internalized emotions on behalf of our children, even when those children don't care (or understand, or even know) what is going on? We take things so personally for them, thinking we're doing something for them, when really, our own selfish motives are behind it in the first place.
Ultimately, we solved the preschool dilemma. We selected a small, Christian preschool much closer to our house for next fall. The main reason for our choice? G loves the playground (and yes, I did let her make the decision... well, I let her decision play a role in mine).
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B will also be nearly 6 years old when she goes into Kindergarten. I so disappointed when I realized that I couldn't really put her in 4k, because she would be turning 5. The only 5 year old in 4K? No, thank you! The cut off date is September 1st, B was born on September 5th. How freakin' crappy?!
Anyway, I'm still at a loss as to what to do. But she doesn't really care. I don't think she would care if she was 6 years old, starting Kindergarten. I was always the oldest in my class, and yes, it bothered me...but did it really bother me that much? Ugh.
Oh man, if I had a dollar for every time I've done that. You are not alone. We have Cate going to a small church preschool next year as well. A very smart friend of mine with a cutoff date problem like yours pointed this out to me: Cate (like G) will probably never hate school and will never get bored (Cate isn't a cusp baby but we had two options for preschool-- a 2/3 class or 3/4 class). They may be the kids that get asked to put their books away and pay attention when they get them out b/c they already understand what's being taught, but they're not the kind of kids that would act out. The early years of school are a lot about learning to take authority from another adult besides mom or dad and to get along with others. There's just as much as that as there is academic material. By the time G starts to get bored, there will be other options for her-- advanced classes, a gifted intervention, rewards from the teacher if she finishes up early, etc. A lot of that kind of stuff starts in 4th or 5th grade (depending on the school), but definitely by middle school. And if you're ever afraid she's not being pushed enough or is getting bored, talk to her teacher(s). I love it when parents come to me and ask if there is more that their kid can do (seriously). I've done "book clubs" with more advanced kids, given them more challenging (but cooler) projects, tougher speech topics, etc.
Absolutely.
Probably the number 1 is related to working mommy guilt. J could care less. He loves going to see his friends. He loves that Daddy drops him off & I will pick him up. He tells us his routine every.single.day.
But me? I feel horrible about it at times...
First, my oldest goes to a Montessori school and I can not imagine them every turning a child away b/c they're "too advanced". That is the kind of thing they are excited for...this upsets me on your behalf!
Second, I get my heart broken by things my kids could care less about or are just too young to understand. I wish I could go back to being that care free.
I know you already have G lined up for next fall, but I wanted to let you know... You may want to look into private academies. That is where we ended up placing J. It was more expensive than most places, but he'll be there through 8th grade & they encourage learning on the child's level not acedemic level. Example: We visited the 6th grade math class. There was only 10 kids in the class & most were 5th graders with 2 4th graders. They said last year two students were ready for senior level math (calc/trig) so they worked with Northwestern University to develop a program specifically for those two students. A teacher worked with them & Northwestern worked to grade the assignments & tests to ensure the concepts were being taught correctly.
I am the parent of a 17 year old who doesn't want to grow up and refuses to look for a job and so what am I doing about that?
I am obsessing and registering him for courses that will look good on his resume, oh yeah, and I'm applying to jobs for him.... YIKES!
And the whole time he is looking at me and wondering what the big fuss is about!
This job NEVER gets easier! :)