When I left my job, my goal wasn't just to be a stay at home mom.
I planned to do anything but stay at home. I planned to whisk G away to exciting play dates, trips to the museum, picnics in the park (probably not a good idea in mid-winter, but this is the South), visits to her grandparents.
Instead, I've been caught up in the daily minutiae of life. Laundry, grocery shopping, potty training--they've all kept us at home, exactly where I didnt' plan to be.
How did I let this happen? How did my perfect plan go so awry? (Well, you know what they say about the best-laid plans...)
I'd spent weeks wracking my brain for an answer when--in the middle of another third trimester-induced sleepless night--it dawned on me:
I'm pretty sure an elderly woman on her death bed never said, "I wish I'd spent more time vacuuming the floors..."
I'm pretty sure a retired grandfather, suffering from Alzheimer's, never said, "I wish I could remember all the good times I had staying late at work..."
I'm pretty sure a young mother, just diagnosed with breast cancer, never said, "I'm scared I'll never have time to potty train my child..."
Yet, I've spent so much of the last five months taking myself too seriously. I have
let myself believe that having the "perfect" life meant having a perfectly clean home, a perfectly organized check book, a perfectly potty trained two year old (can you tell I've spent a lot of time with her in the bathroom recently?).NONE OF IT MATTERS.
Life, lived too seriously, is a waste. Life, void of spontaneity, is a tragedy. Life, without the little things that give us joy, is a mistake.
I'm done focusing on the mundane tasks I think I "must" do. Heck, if I thought my daughter was more important than my career, why isn't she more important than unloading the dishwasher? Making the bed? Cleaning up the playroom?
Instead, I'm going to devote my attention to her. We are going to grab life by the horns and, housework be damned, do whatever the hell we want.
There will be no time for cleaning the toilets, because we will be at the park!
We will be eating leftovers for dinner tonight, because we will be baking cookies instead!
Thank you very much, Ricky Martin--we are going to start living la vida loca... won't you join us?
(Just not at my house... it's probably going to be a mess...)
This entry was posted
on Thursday, March 10, 2011
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chores,
la vida loca,
stay at home mom
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DH & I were having this type of conversation this morning. I've focused on DS & DH & me more than grocery shopping, as a result, DH is less than impressed with the food in the house right now.
So while, I agree with you, be warned DH may not. And you won't even have my defense of 'But I've been working more hours' which really doesn't matter b/c DH dismissed it.
Honestly? Everything. I was just talking to a friend yesterday about how I have this vision of being such a carefree, non-type A, kinda crunchy mama yet reality looks so much different. I'll be posting about this soon ... *sigh*
If you saw my house, you'd think I'm the carefree mom. Lol! My house is a disaster area and my bathrooms are awful because my kids are 3.5 and 2 and have you tried cleaning the bathroom with 2 kids "helping"? Um, yeah.
We goof off a lot and many days it's easier to be a SAHM if you don't stay at home. A simple trip to the post office can take over an hour when I take the kids, which can be a good thing if I need to waste an hour.
Anyway, as long as the laundry and dishes are done (not really, because they are never-ending) I don't worry. I'd rather go goof off and try not to look too closely at the filthy bathrooms.
I wish I could be completely carefree, but I guess I go between stressed out and saying to heck with it.
I found myself getting bogged down in just about everything once I started this extended maternity leave. However, after a long conversation, Eric and I agreed that while I'm at home, my priority should be Cate and Brennan. We agreed on hiring a cleaning lady once a month to give everything a good scrub. I let Cate watch one half hour show on the days when I need to do a little tidying up or laundry. What I don't get done in that half hour (B is napping), waits until she's in bed. On the weekends when both kids nap, we divide up the housework and just get done whatever needs getting done. We pay $5 a month to get e-mealz, which are healthy, simple recipes (they take about 15/20 minutes to make) that come with a grocery list and means we only spend about $60/week on groceries for the items needed to make the meals plus our staples and fruit/veggies. Totally worth it. It's taken a lot of figuring out and I still feel like I get bogged down sometimes, but at least I no longer feel like I'm sinking. It helps that I've learned to embrace the dust bunnies that crop up at our house. As long as the areas where Cate plays and Brennan has tummy time are dust-bunny free and clean, I have a hard time caring what the rest of the house looks like.
wow i think of this everyday! I stopped working full time last september to be home more and get my side business going, and i dont know how most of my time is spent on housework and bussing kids around, yet its not me getting to spend the quality time with them!
Ive been trying hard to let go of the household odds and ends but then yesterday when I couldnt get dinner started and my husband came home from work and said dont worry Ill start dinner, i felt like a failure! why should i have i was busy all day too just like him... hmmm sorry to vent haha, you got me goin :)
I have been totally guilty of this and then I have these wake-up calls where I just chuck it. Then, I find myself slipping back into the to-do lists and all after a few days. It's hard to find that perfect balance.
I think that's a common struggle for moms that go from working to staying home. I used to think that I was able to compensate for working by at least staying on top of housework but now that I don't work and we're home a LOT more then we used to be, the house gets a LOT messier then it used to. It's hard to grasp that it's our job now to take care of our children and our home but our home to an extent. Everything that we agonize over cleaning just gets dirty again. I'm trying to get on a chore chart kind of system so that I can feel good about what I've done at the end of the day and also give myself permission to chill and hang out with my daughter, which is WHY I quit my job ultimately. I didn't quit so that I would have more time to clean. :)
Amen!
Good for you!
I get bogged down with laundry. It just never seems to go anywhere. And now that the kids are getting bigger, their clothes are getting bigger and the mountain seems to grow faster and faster :)
I love this post...My hubby and I have this dicussion alot. Although some things need to get done sometimes playing play-doh is more important then folding the laundry