Her name is Amy Chua, and in some circles, this Yale Law School professor (and former Duke professor, too) is public enemy #1.
Of what is Chua guilty?
Well, just listen to this...
Chua expects her two teenage daughters to get excellent grades!
She urges them to excel at extra curriculars like music and athletics!
She demands their respect!
So why has Chua become such a villain among American mothers? Because this Chinese-American mother--who is the author of the new book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother"--makes us feel uneasy. Uninspired. Inadequate.
Before dubbing herself a "Tiger" mom, Chua might have been categorized as a helicopter mom; but that term doesn't go far enough. Chua admits to hovering, nay, dominating her daughters' lives. She doesn't allow them to go to playdates, attend sleepovers or watch TV. Their intellectual and "approved" extra-curricular activities are the only things that matter.
THAT is why Chua is the enemy.
As David Brooks--a noted political writer who was overwhelmed with parental responses to Chua's book--discusses in his recent article, Chua's children are lacking in one crucial element of their education: socialization with their peers. Any person who has ever attended high school or college knows how critical this is. Any person who has ever held a job in an office knows how important this is. Yet Chua seems to regard intellectual pursuits as tantamount, treating social skills as a distant (and I do mean distant) second.
But Chua may be on to something. In her article "Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior," she claims that she's simply an example of what is a cultural norm in China: placing high expectations on a child's academic success, giving that child the tools to succeed and demanding nothing less than excellence. Whereas American mothers tend to lead more with their emotions (ie, "Oh, Johnny doesn't like math, so we allow him to pursue other interests), Chua asserts that Chinese mothers refuse to fall back on what she sees as mere excuses.
And the statistical evidence shows Chua and her Chinese peers are on the right track. A 2009 international education study called Program for International Student Assessment (PISA for short) found that students in Shanghai, China, led the pack in a variety of disciplines. What made these results even more astounding was the fact that 2009 was the first year China ever participated in the PISA study. How did the USA compare? Our students finished 17th out of 65 countries in the reading assessment; we were 23rd in math; we came in 31st--below the "test average"--in math. It's pretty abysmal, and it's led to some serious discussions in the American education community about what our country is doing wrong and what China is doing right.
I find it difficult to completely vilify Chua (and so does her daughter Sophia, who wrote this eloquent rebuttal to her mother's critics). I hear the stories from my friends (how are almost ALL of my "working mom friends" teachers?) about students who come to class completely unprepared, without any parental assistance or guidance at home--that is, if their parents force them to go to class at all. I saw the school district which I attended ditch a challenging math curriculum in favor of something simpler, that would make it easier for students to succeed. Success shouldn't be easy; if it is, then it isn't true success.
I'm curious to see if any of you have read about Chua, or (if this is your first introduction to her and her controversial ideas) what you think about her tactics?
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I heard about this and I definitely think that she has a point. I'd take 100 students each year with parents like her than 100 students with parents who aren't present and don't push their children to succeed. And I think it's great that they're succeeding. The only thing I think parents like Chua have to be careful of is pushing too much. In 7 years of teaching I've also had a couple of students literally break down with the stress and pressure their parents have put on them...like needing mental help break down.
There's an interesting essay in the book NURTURESHOCK (which I highly recommend) that discusses a study in which Asian and Caucasian students (all living in America) were given a test and told they failed. The same amount of hugs were given by both races of parents when they comforted their children after getting the news of the failure. Neither group raised their voice more than the other. The biggest difference was that the Asian parents more often took the time to talk to their kids about what they could've done better, what was hard, etc., while the American parents more often said something to the effect of "You did your best and that's all that matters" and then changed the subject. After being allowed to talk to their parents, the kids went in to take the test again. The Asian kids overall did better the second time while the American kids did the same or worse.
I haven't read this book, but you do have me intrigued.
Melody, during the course of a discussion group I attended on this topic, the book NURTURE SHOCK (by Po Bronson, et al. if anyone is interested) was mentioned; it's now in my que to read.
I love your insights, esp. as a teacher. I imagine most educators would agree with you!
~Elizabeth
I've heard about this also, and while I think that it is 100% essential for parents to be actively involved in both the education of their children and the success of their children in school, I will not approach it the way that Chua does. Yes, Asian students are typically more devoted and more successful, but at what expense?
I was a very successful and devoted student, and have gone far because of it. But I also had a life, didn't feel the weight on my shoulders of having to constantly reach to these ridiculous standards for my parents, and didn't constantly feel like a disappointment.
I was motivated, instead, by the desire to achieve both to please myself and my parents, as opposed to avoid disappointment, if that makes sense?
I certainly don't want to follow Chua's tactics myself: I'm a social person, and want my child to be as well, I can't wait for her to be old enough for sleepovers so her Dad and I can have some nights to ourselves, yes, I'm willing to sacrifice some measure of her future success for my happiness and sanity etc.-- but I do stand by her right to parent her children as she wishes, and as she believes is her cultural norm (many Chinese parents have also come forward to say she's perpetuating a stereotype and that "Chinese Mothering" can't be distilled into a book. They also mention that withholding affection from your children, as Chau suggests is NOT a traditional Chinese philosophy). However, Chad just returned from Shanghai, and of course there are some serious differences between there and here. 1.) In Shanghai (not in the countryside and other areas of China), they only have 1 child and invest a LOT of resources into that child. They're welcome to have more, but they choose not to so they can invest resources beyond what we can even imagine into each child. Americans like our family values and the idea of large families, even if we don't all choose them in practice. We can't afford to parents as they do. 2.) In America, we educate everyone at our public schools. Some public schools are better than others, but we like the idea of everyone having equal access to the same education. In China and many other countries, your early test scores determine where you'll be educated and what career paths will be open to you. I'm actually not knocking this system- many who have been through it seem more than satisfied with it. But it doesn't fit with the American "you can be anything you want to be" narrative. At any rate, we're only looking at scores from students who have already been proven to have mathematical aptitude.
Despite my playing Devil's Advocate, I totally buy your basic premise that more involved parents tend to churn out better prepared kids (yes, we know there are always exceptions). But since we can't force parents to be involved in their kids' lives and educations (and some probably don't have the intelligence or drive to do so anyway-- I'm sure your teacher friends can vouch for that), I hate to set such an impossible standard for what it means to be involved. Ms. Chua is too much of a good thing for me. In America, maybe we can start smaller, like asking parents to turn off the TV or read to their kids each night before bed. And if that's not enough, and not every kid in America grows up to be a super-genius...well, that's ok with me, too. I know plenty of people with average jobs but full and happy lives. We need people to snake the main line when our toilets get clogged, serve us food in our favorite restaurants, put o-rings on widgets at my husband's manufacturing plants, etc. I know Ms. Chau doesn't consider those noble pursuits, and I know she wouldn't want her kids doing them, but I truly feel that if one of my kids held one of those jobs as part of a full and happy life, I wouldn't curl up in a corner and wish I had been a Tiger Mom.
this is the first i've heard of it but have to say i can support her tactics to a degree. teaching your children discipline and pushing them to go further is our job as parents and we all want them to succeed. however, i do think everything in moderation. all work and no play make for very awkward teenagers and social inept adults. you can have all the brains in the world but if you can't talk to someone to tell them your ideas - it means nothing.
i'm now intrigued to read the book and see if there is anything i can glean from it and adapt to my own life. with our 8 yr old we try to find a good balance between 'work' & play. we both check homework and are active participants in her school life ( i can't imagine not) but i have seen the opposite just as well. we are not giving into her whims and flights of fancy; but we do allow her to express her creativity and encourage her to explore ALL subjects before condemning one or the other.
thanks for posting! food for thought!
I have been hearing about this book lately and am very interested in reading it. I will wait to make conclusions until after reading the book.
I am an academic advisor for freshmen at a large public university and see many students struggle with the transition to college. Now as a parent, I want to help my son become a successful, independent learner who can also succeed in groups. He's not even two yet, so we have a long way to go!
I say let Chua ROAR!! At least a little bit ... yes I've heard of her before ... and her ideas are hard to argue with from one sense- I totally agree with your satement "that success isn't reall success if it wasn't difficult to achieve"- or something like that.
The book is really interesting and it's a great read for parents and teachers especially. The book doesn't really provide "answers" so to speak (ie. tell you what you should be doing), but rather gives you the data the authors discovered from various studies and allows you to draw your own conclusions.
I read about the book and the author. I agree that we need to be more diligent about the education of our children in the US. WE're much too lax. I see it in my own children and the way I handled them and I see it in my grandchildren. But I think this author goes overboard when she disallows her children to go visit friends and expects them to excel in every facet of their lives. Can you imagine the stress? Everyone needs an occasional play date. Children, teens and adults. I need them at times. That's how I feel for what it's worth.
Wasn't it author FULHAM or some such name that said ALL I EVER NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN. One of the things he learned was to be friends, to hold hands and take time for milk and cookies. I like that idea. Anyone for milk and cookies?
Blessings, Barb
www.barbwhitti.blogspot.com
writing: the ups and downs
Chris and I have an interesting perspective on Chua ... we read about her in the Wall Street Journal (and the "Western" moms response - forgive me, I can't remember her name now).
Having worked with 6-12th graders for years now in ministry, I can tell you that BOTH extremes of parenting come with their own set of issues.
On one hand, you have parents like Chua who drive their kids to succeed as if nothing else matters (hobbies, learning how to have healthy friendships/relationships, etc) - these kids perform well but can break down very easily over the smallest of setbacks or disappointments. We've also seen kids like this rebel dramatically as soon as they leave their homes (going to college) because they finally have freedom and they have no idea how to handle it. I have a teen right now who struggled with severe depression because as soon as she hit high school, her mom pushed academics on her so hard that she couldn't handle it.
On the other hand, you have "Western" parents who are concerned with their child's "self-esteem" and sense of self. Placing such a high importance on THIS can lead to kids who are manipulative and over-the-top self-obsessed. We have a teen like this who is living a double life - he plays the sad card at home, causing his parents to give him whatever he wants because they want him to be happy. This child isn't sad - he's learned how to control his parents.
Sorry for the novel of a comment. I think that playing the middle ground makes the most sense and that's what we intend to do with our kids.
P.S. Hope you're feeling good!
i've only seen what the media has portrayed of her. but on the surface, i think people are taking it too far!! she's a mom who wants her kids to do well, be smart, excel and respect others! golly jeepers!!
i work with kids ages 7 and up. and there are a select few who, you can tell, have no parental guidance or discipline. another post for another day.
I absolutely love the in-depth comments here! I agree with so much of what you had to say... Barb, I love your reference to kindergarten--in many ways, it's so true! Tricia, you pointed out so much of what my own mom did, that kids on either extreme are likely to revolt at some point, and may not have the tools to reign themselves in. And Lainie, I love your cultural perspective on China and info on the education system there--I didn't know that!
~Elizabeth
I read about this several days ago and, while I don't think I would be quite at hard on my children as Chua, reading her article was a breath of fresh air. Maybe because, as a pianist, I know the thrill that comes with being able to play the piano really well, and I also know that it requires hours and hours of focused practice. So when I read about her strictness with her daughter's piano playing, I was like, "Yes! Go, mom!"
That said, I don't think I would be *quite* as harsh as she was--though it would depend on a lot of factors. I read a related article the other day (http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2011/01/18/AR2011011804938.html) and thought it had some good points on taking a more moderate approach between the two extremes.