I'm waxing nostalgic today; this time of year always brings on these feelings, always has me asking myself, "Where has the time gone?"
I can still vividly remember my first day of 5th grade; my school bus was 45 minutes 
late, and I had the best excuse ever for missing first period. I also remember my first day of high school, my first day of college, and even my first day of graduate school. This probably makes me sound like a dork, but I miss those days.
I was always a good student. Ok, scratch that, I was a great student. I thrived in the classroom. I've always loved learning, and the classroom was my stage. My element. My home.
Ever since leaving school, I've felt the hands of time moving ever more quickly. I realize I'm only 28, but some days, man, I feel old. I've always thought that age is just a number-- it's really arbitrary. Think about it; we all have that 75 year old grandmother or great aunt or second cousin who looks phenomenal, despite her septuagenarian status. What's the saying... something like, "You're only as old as you feel"? Well, I feel like a woman twice my age.
The decision not to expand our family is weighing on me in a way I never anticipated; it's made me feel like my life's accomplishments-- the ones that are truly lauded and celebrated-- are O-V-E-R. I'm feeling a bit like Carrie from an old "Sex & The City" episode. Do you remember the one, where she complains that once a woman passes a "certain age", there's nothing left to celebrate?
I've already graduated from college (twice).
I've already become engaged, and gotten married.
I've moved (multiple times), started a new job (multiple times), and left old jobs (multiple times).
I've purchased my first house, and shortly thereafter, my first dog.
I've become a mother, a job title I hold more dear than anything else.
I have a daughter, a husband, a mortgage, a car payment (the second has just been paid off, can you say 'alleluia'?), a job (for now), and a great sense of stability and security in my life. But at times, I crave adventure. I crave excitement. I crave that anticipation and, yes, even the anxiety of not knowing what's coming next.
Right now, I feel like I know what tomorrow will hold. It will be like basically every other day for the last 18 months of my life. I don't want to eschew the wonderful sense of security DH & I have created for ourselves, but I do want to liven things up a bit. Shake things up a bit. Nothing drastic... just something to turn the ordinary into the extraordinary.
You know, like those butterflies you used to get in your stomach on the first day of school?
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Shake it up and go get your education degree. ;-)
Just kidding. But you still do get those back to school butterflies every year in anticipation of meeting new students. At least I do. See you soon!
I know we kids livened up my parents' lives ;) They had all these adventures without us and a whole new set of adventures with us! Soon you'll have playdates and trips to Williamsburg or Disneyland. It'll be great :)
I hear ya, sister. We have yet to settle into a "routine" since N was born and I desperately want a schedule ... but, then again, I don't.
Do you think that part of what we feel about our daily living has to do with the other blogs we read and how others describe their magical lives?
I can still totally relate. Sometimes I look around and go. Damn Im thirty and have been married six years, have been working at my teaching job since I was 22, have owned two homes, two dogs, and had two kids. Now life is sort of cruising along at a moderate pace and sometimes I feel old. Then other times I feel just perfect. I too am one of those lucky ones who gets a fresh start every september... New students new year always nice to start fresh
It can definitely feel like life is slipping away sometimes, but I think everyone feels that way at some point.
Just make sure you realize the amazing things that are right in front of you- your life is just as exciting as some world traveler's because kids make everything chaotic and interesting beyond belief!
Take time to do the little things you enjoy- you may not get to do the same crazy things you would when you were 18 years old, but you can still be passionate and fulfill a lot of the goals you have for your life.
You're a successful blogger, so you have enough exciting things going on that other people want to read about it!
Stop by my blog any time:
http://www.nestingwithniall.blogspot.com
I think the number one reason I don't want to work is I want the time to do fun stuff with J. Be his mom. Have fun with it.
Right now I just feel like I'm failing tragically in keeping up with how quickly the world is turning.
DH & I were talking last night about how we are not sure we are ready for another. We're not ready to say we won't, but we aren't ready for diapers (when we haven't gotten out of them yet) to multiply all over again. Maybe part of why I'm so unsettled is b/c I'm like, if we don't - then what's next...
It's nice to know I'm not alone, even if I cannot focus my thoughts just yet & need yours to think about....
I have no doubt that you'll find some other way to shake it up... there is ALWAYS a next adventure! ;)
Get a Puppy... that will shake up your life!! =) he he!
Are you inside my head?
This time of year always does that to me. I dearly miss the excitement of back-to-school supply shopping, whether it was as an elementary student, a high schooler, my first year in undergrad, or in grad school. I think it has to do with the cracking open of a brand new notebook and package of pens. There's so much POTENTIAL on those blank pages. You don't know what's going to fill those pages, but you know it's going to be something great. (unless you had Mr. Wurst for history, that is!)
I've actually been drafting and re-writing a very similar post, so I'm glad to see I'm not the only one struggling with feelings like this right now.