I am not a card-carrying member of the NRA.
Maybe it's because my mom wouldn't let me play with squirt guns (they were too violent). Maybe it's because I didn't see an actual real gun until I hit my 20s (I was too sheltered). Maybe it's because I don't believe that old saying "Guns don't kill people; people kill people (it's too cliche).
But I HATE guns.
The fact that DH is a law enforcement officer-- and is hence required to carry a gun and store it at our home-- is hands down the toughest part of his career for me. 
It's not the fact that he works with accused killers and rapists on a daily basis. It's not the fact that these accused killers and rapists often threaten to do awful things to him, me, and G. I can't stand knowing that he has a deadly weapon in his possession. My DH? With a gun? The man can't even merge onto the interstate safely (don't get me started!), how can he control a gun? (And I hope you'll excuse me-- I have no idea what kind of gun he carries; I don't want to know.)
We managed to get around this gun issue for sometime. When we moved from Georgia to our current home four years ago, DH chose not to get certified for his weapon. He didn't need it working in the detention center (where, blessedly, there are NO deadly weapons; just tasers, bully sticks, and a whole lotta pepper spray), and we didn't want a gun at home while we were trying to have a baby.
But two weeks ago, DH finally had to bite the bullet (baaaaad pun, Elizabeth) and qualify for his gun.
When I mentioned this casually to a friend who was supposed to come over for a playdate, she balked.
My Friend: "He has a gun in the house?"
Me: "As of tomorrow he does."
My Friend: "Is it loaded?"
Me: "No, he takes the bullets out when he gets home from work."
My Friend: "Is it secured?"
Me: "Yes, we just got a gun safe for it."
My Friend: "We-eelllllll.... (long, pregnant pause)... I don't think next Wednesday is good for us. Maybe the next week at my house?"
DID YOU CATCH THAT?
She totally bailed on our playdate because there was a gun-- locked, without bullets-- in an upstairs closet (oh dear, now if you ever find my address, break past our alarm system, and get past our ferocious bichon, you'll know EXACTLY where the gun is hidden!!!!) of a room where she has never even been!
At first, I was rather offended. I thought our friendship was tough enough to withstand the presence of a hidden weapon lurking in my home. Of course, I was just overreacting. The more I thought about it, the more I started wondering if I would be comfortable taking G to a playdate at a house where I knew there was a potentially dangerous weapon. I work in TV news; I read way too many stories about children accidentally pulling the trigger, injuring either themselves or their little friends. In fact, just this week a story about a three-year-old who died in a gun accident crossed the wires on my desk. This is serious stuff.
So, tonight I pose the question to you:
if its in a locked SAFE in a Closet UPSTAIRS... it prob wouldnt bother me much. now those houses that have gun cabinets and racks in their living room.. I dont think so. Its a tough situational question. My child is 3, he cant walk without tripping over his feet I highly doubt hed be able to go upstairs, open a closet, and crack a safe at such a young age LOL
I would hesitate if the gun was recreational. But I dated a police officer, and I know how serious he was about gun safety, and it never once bothered me. My dad's hunting guns? Bother me a lot.
no problem for me as long as the parents were responsible and had it secured...
i grew up in a hunting household with at least a dozen guns in cases and on display-under lock and key with ammunition in a hidded place also under lock and key
we were taught to shoot all kind of guns and my dad was very strict about gun safety. i say i have a healthy level of fear and respect for them.
i had a hand pistol for myself after i guy was lurking around our house when we first moved here but got rid of it as the kids became mobile.
my husband still has his .22 'cause we live in the country and have needed it on several occasions...
i think guns are like so many things in anyone's house...potentially dangerous if proper precautions are not taken
Oh that's a tough call when you have a 4 year old boy who's just fascinated by guns!! I'd have to KNOW the person and trust that it is well hidden and unloaded! God forbid my son ever find it! I'd also be that much more watchful of my son's whereabouts.
I guess my answer would be...only if I trusted people of the house we're attending...
If it was at the house of a law enforcement officer-someone who I know understands how to handle it, and the dangers of it.....AND I knew that it was secured in a safe, unloaded. I would be fine with it.
I hate guns too. I grew up in a "no toy guns allowed" house too. Maybe that is why? They seriously freak me out. I don't even like to think about how my husband uses one and carries one everyday he is overseas.
I think I would hesitate a little if I found out a friend had one at their house. I would want to make sure there was NO way my child would ever ever see it. I wouldn't say I would never go over there, but that I would need a lot of reassurance about it.
In most cases, yes. Had I known it was unloaded, secured and in a gun safe, though, no. She's being a bit ridiculous, IMO.
Um, absolutely I would hesitate. I don't even let my kids go to their aunt and uncles house, ever, where I know there are several guns. I also don't go on outdoor outings where they're "recreational" shooting. They all think I'm a paranoid jerk. But I'd rather be a paranoid jerk than the mother of a child that was accidentally killed in a gun accident...just saying...
wow. great question... here's my take.
if it was a playdate in which i was there WITH my child, then i don't have a problem (of course, knowing the gun is upstairs and we are playing downstairs). If my child was older (say 5, 6, 7, 8) and I was not WITH my child, then... i'd hesitate. but i'd be brutally honest with the mom about my feelings.
Several of our friends have guns and we go to their homes with Cate all the time. One is a police officer and the others have all taken a conceal/carry class and have permits. They also keep the bullets out, the safety on, and the guns locked at home. It still kind of weirds me out since we're not big gun people, but it's not worth sacrificing the friendship. As Cate gets older, we'll educate her that if she is over at one of their homes and one of the kids suggests getting into the guns (as of right now none of the kids know where their parents even keep them), that she is to say no and go and get an adult.
I think it would be okay in your situation. It's not like you just have a gun in the house for the heck of it...plus it's locked away and not loaded. Seems safe to me. There are a lot of other dangers in houses....chemicals and even toilets! I keep a lock on all of our cupboards and doors, that way I don't have to worry about little hands getting into trouble!
I wouldn't let my kids go to someone's house alone if there is a gun in it. If I'm with them and I know the family well I'm ok with it. I have boys and you know how little boys are fascinated with guns. Anything could happen.
i am scared to death of guns so I understand the fear. however if i knew it was locked up, unloaded, and out of reach i would be ok.
Honestly, I was given one from my Grandfather's collection when he passed. It was part of my inheritance from him. All the grandkids got a gun. He had several, as well as a license to carry permit.
I keep it in a gun safe in our bedroom closet.
And I just don't tell people. The safe will never accidently get left unlocked, because we never open it. It is just there. A memory of my grandfather. A man who used to eat with his gun on the table. And no, he wasn't in law enforcement. He was a crazy gun man.
But it is a memory, I want to pass to my son... One day.... When he is old enough to handle it.
Until then, it will be safely locked up with people none the wiser...
As for your friend, I totally think she is acting irrationally.
I grew up with guns in the house - but never knew it. My dad kept a couple of rifles in the rafters, ammo was kept on a completely different level. As far as I know, they are still there and my kids go there to play everyday. But my sister's ex has guns in a gun safe, with the ammo right there - and that bugs me. Maybe it's because I know he is not a mature man and an alcholic, so I worry about the safe being left open. I guess it depends on the person and the reason they have the gun.
I've been on playdates in houses I know there are guns. But I also know these families very well, and know that they are kept unloaded in locked safes/carriers and ammo stored locked seperately and only used for hunting and target practice at shooting ranges. My father has guns in house and my son spends the night usually once a month with them.
We have a rifle (mine since I was a teenager), unloaded and locked away in the basement. I have my concealed carry permit and will someday get a pistol but we don't have one yet. Not until I've taken a couple classes and feel comfortable with it. I have no problem with my children going to someone's house if proper gun safety is rigorously observed. My father made sure that all 3 of his daughters, not just his sons, were comfortable around guns. We're crazy about gun safety and will someday educate our 3 girls as well.
Having grown up in a home with recreational weapons (and everyone in town did too.) as well as being former military, I can say that I am comfortable around guns.
Having my child exposed to these dangers is a different story altogether.
Yes, nervous. If I'm in desperate need of an adult playdate, I'd probably still go. If I wasn't going to be in the home that my child visited, then there would be some hesitation and serious reservations.
Well, here's the thing - if you hadn't mentioned it, she wouldn't have known (I would have presumed given your husband's job). Our fave playdate friend is married to an FBI agent, so now that I think about it - I guess there's a gun in their house at least sometimes. If she'd talked about it, I likely would have balked. But now, we've been there. If it is there, it's upstairs somewhere and all that.
I'd be more hesitant if my daughter were a little older. Right now, I hover during play dates. We watch exactly what they all do. Even if the gun were loaded and on the table, one of us would probably helicopter past them faster than they could get to it.
But I'm not going to try to find out.
Maybe the next play date should be at our house.
I grew up with guns in my house and didn't even know they were there until I was in my 20's. If the parents were smart adults about their guns, like you and DH sound to be, then no, I wouldn't be afraid taking a child to someone's house just because they own a gun.
Most gun owners are responsible with their weapons and wouldn't leave them on a dining room table with bullets in them.
It totally doesn't bother me, as long as it is locked up and safe then it's not even a question I'd ask. Hubby purchased a gun a couple of years ago and it's locked, stored and safe in our room. The kids don't even think about it or know where it is. Although we have talked to them about guns not being a toy and that they are dangerous, etc... I'd never cancel a play date because of one.
If a gun is unloaded and locked in a safe it is no more harm to anyone that if the baby were to drink bleach, eat poison, knock off a glas trinket and cut themselves...Our homes are full of kid dangers but a responsibly unload and secured gun is not one of them ....I own guns on purpose and will never be ashamed to say I can shoot them with the best of them...
I have two guns in my house (they're mine, not my husband's) and they are both kept unloaded, and locked away separately from the ammunition. I'd be more comfortable letting my 3-year old play at a home with a properly stored gun than at my mother-in-law's where she refuses to put her large quantities of prescription drugs out of his reach or in childproof containers.
I live in gun country, so I would be in trouble if I wouldn't let my child play in a home with a gun. I just make sure the parents are responsible. That's really all you can do with any potential dangers. I hate guns too, though, and would never have one in my house unless there was an incredibly good reason (like being married to someone in law enforcement) :).
No. My husband has his conceal carry permit, has a loaded gun on him at all times, and has many, many guns locked in a safe in our house. I don't like it, but it's part of his life, so it's part of mine. And I must admit I do like knowing he can protect us at all costs wherever we are. My only hesitation in going to a house where there are guns present is where they are located. If they are loaded and out in the open, yea that's a major issue. Otherwise, if they are locked up, not loaded, or being worn by an adult, I'm ok with it. After all - parents should be keeping a watchful eye on their kids all the time, or at least keep them out of rooms/areas that are not safe. Who in their right mind would just keep a loaded gun unsecured where there are kids around, anyway?? Not someone I'd even want to be a friend with!
Seriously? It's a playdate which involves at least two moms and several children where the kids are supposed to be playing with toys. If the moms are not watching the kids and doing something else where the children could have plenty of time to rummage to find said gun, well shame on the moms. I highly doubt that a 3 year old we be able to access the safe, pick the lock and load it. Wow.
To answer the question, I would not cancel or avoid the house if I knew there was a gun in it. My husband has two UNloaded pistols in our house, one UNloaded rifle and they are not accessible to our children. I feel safe knowing we have them for protection and would not be offended by some one not feeling comfortable with them in my house. BUT I don't go around publicizing that I have them.
I wouldn't mind taking my children to someone's house who owns a gun but I grew up in a house with guns (we lived in the country with frequent unwelcome visitors of the furry kind and my dad hunts) and never thought anything of it.
I always think it's bizarre that people get so freaked out over guns. People get stabbed to death EVERY DAY and no one is sweating when they walk into a kitchen and see a bazillion knives. MILLIONS of people die in car crashes and yet people don't think a thing in the world about backing the car out of the driveway and hopping on the interstate.
It wasn't that long ago that everyone had guns in their homes because people killed what they ate and protected their home and land.
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Twenty five years ago, my brother Jeffrey Carson (above), was shot and killed by a classmate in a "safe", suburban neighborhood while playing at this individual's house. At the time, we trusted that our kids could just "play" at someone's house for a couple of hours and all would be fine.
Fast forward 24 years to 2010. My husband and I have 4 beautiful daughters. Last year, my eldest daughter started school and went to her first "mom-drops-you-off" play date. Weeks after her visit to the friend's house, it randomly became known to me that there was an unlocked gun in the home. I was sick to my stomach that I allowed this to happen. I never asked about it. I truly know better.
I wanted to just go to the neighbors and tell them how upset I was, but there was more to it. I had guns unlocked in my own home, despite that fact that I knew they were tucked away where my own children could not access them. I had to question my husband. I didn't even know what we had. I, as many other moms across the country, "don't like them" and honestly, don't know much about them. I had to stop pretending this wasn't an issue at home. This up close and personal reality sparked a new cause for awareness. Why was gun accessibility and safety for my own family so hard to talk about after all I have experienced? And if I have this hard of a time, what about all of you who haven't directly and tragically been impacted by kids killing kids?
This is a very difficult topic for parents, especially mothers who arrange most play dates, to discuss with each other. We worry about offending people. We want others to think we trust them. Especially our husbands and family members who keep guns. We don't think it could happen in our neighborhoods. Unfortunately, thinking this way puts our own kids at risk of injury and death. Parents are safe to discuss and seek information on this topic here at Gun Safe Mom! Let's talk about how we can better address and promote issues relating to gun safety and accessibility with our kids, family, neighbors, and friends.