Maybe you aren't familiar with the word "Sororstitute"... but when I was an undergrad, it was a word you heard a lot. A lot.
It wasn't necessarily a bad thing. Although it definitely wasn't a good thing, either. Despite its entomological origins (in case you haven't figured it out, it's a combination of the words "Sorority" and "Prostitute"), "Sororstitute" doesn't refer to a slutty sorority girl. Instead, it referred-- at least, on my college campus-- to a girl who bought her friendships.
Because, yes, let's all admit it... joining a sorority is, in many ways, like buying friends.
Now, before all you sorority girls out there jump on me as anti-Greek, let me tell you this: I was in a sorority. Heck, I was social chair and rush chair and a member of the Leadership Council. I knew all the oaths, I wore my pin with pride, I showed up at each and every mixer, meeting, and formal (at varying degrees of intoxication). I had the pre-requisite pearl earrings, Tiffany Bean necklace, and Herve Chapelier tote. I worked out at least 6 days a week for at least 90 minutes at a time, and I only drank water and ate half a bagel (no cream cheese, please) for lunch.
Point fingers, cat-call, brand me with a big, scarlet "S"-- I was a sororstitute.
It's been 10 years since I pledged (yes, I'm intentionally not telling you which sorority I pledged into, in order to protect my sisters in sororodom). 10 years since I first bought into the culture of privilege, parties, and perfection. A full decade since I learned-- the hard way-- that just about anything (or anyone) can be bought.
I still remember my bid day-- the day we pledges found out if our top choice sorority had felt the same way about us as we felt about them. I was one of the lucky ones; I got my top choice (although, in the years since, I've seriously debated whether I chose my sorority for the right reasons; in hindsight, I'd say I did not), but there were other girls who were absolutely devastated to learn they'd been dropped from the pledge list of their favorite three-letter Greek abbreviation. These were the girls with streaks of tears carving a path of sorrow through the pristine foundation of their heavily made-up faces; their perfectly-applied mascara now betraying them with clown-tears.
As I stood in a single-file line outside the sorority of my choice, waiting to meet my new sisters, I met a girl who would become my best friend. My confidante. Later, the maid of honor at my wedding. I met another girl, who would convince me to get my belly button pierced one January night in an act of defiant (basketball-inspired) celebration. I met a group of women who would shower me at my bridal party, and get me perilously drunk in the streets of New York City on the night of my debauchery-ridden bachelorette party.
Female friendships aren't easy. Damn, that's a euphemism, isn't it? Girls can be bitter, backstabbing, conniving, manipulating, dramatic, stubborn, jealous, juvenile... shall I go on?... and that's putting it mildly. And buying a friendship-- whether it's with a $500 initiation fee for a sorority, or with a lie so insiduous that you actually start to believe it as truth-- isn't always the right move. But, sadly, sometimes it can feel like the only move.
By the time I left my college campus behind for a more adult world, I'd formed more adult friendships as well. Most of them were with women who didn't share my Greek affiliation. Some of them were even-- GASP!-- independents (a word in college that was as much a reputation-ruiner as "Sororstitute"). They all taught me important lessons about friendships, and why we pick someone to be our friend... or in some cases, why they pick us...
Lessons that, to this day, are truly price-less.
This entry was posted
on Sunday, June 13, 2010
and is filed under
friends,
school
.
You can leave a response
and follow any responses to this entry through the
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
.
17 comments
Post a Comment
I am a reformed girl too :-) Love the term by the way!
I was an independent- but at my small, private college, that was more the norm. We didn't have national sororities or houses or any of that. So, it was a little different.
I was a sorority girl too, looking back I don't regret being in my sorority. I do regret not socializing with people who weren't part of the greek society.
My sisters all have matching tattoos on their foot. A small, red M for our college, I have put this off for years now. I may go ahead and get it this fall though. Yikes!
I'm glad that I joined a sorority. 2 of my 3 closest friends were created there, and over a decade later they are still my best best friends:) I think it's all in what you come away with.
"I got my top choice (although, in the years since, I've seriously debated whether I chose my sorority for the right reasons; in hindsight, I'd say I did not)"
This pretty much sums up my experience. I so badly wanted to be accepted by the cool/popular/pretty sorority that I went against my instincts and marked them as first choice on my bid card. 11 years later I still regret that checkbox. I blew my chance to make real friends, the kind that would accept me for who I was and not for the clothes that I wore (or, more accurately, didn't wear).
I have to admit that I'm envious of women who fondly remember their days in the house. I so wish that things had gone differently for me. I only ended up lasting a bit over two years, just long enough to meet my now-husband at a date party. At least I got something out of it :)
I joined a sorority for exactly one semester. Just long enough to be sworn in and then I quit. I hated it. I hated that they could tell me what I could do, when I could go home (depending on what activities were planned for that weekend), etc. It was a lesson learned...an expensive one at that.
My college was too small for sororities but I kind of doubt I would have joined one even at a larger school. I didn't realize it was so divided though! Wow!
I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thinks she might have chosen the wrong sorority. Like you, my maid-of-honor was a soro sister, but as I ran more independent, she was the only sorority sister in attendence. Well, that & I got married 12 hours away from everyone in my home state.
That said, you taught me a new word today... :) Having attending school an hour away from you, I would have thought I would have heard that before, but... ekk, maybe that's showing my age? Okay, forget I said anything!
Interesting perspective. I was not in a sorority. And I have very few female friends, for the reasons you described!
I think on my college campus (Hook 'em!), it was used a little more derogatorily, unfortunately :(
Have you ever read Pledged? It's an amazing insider look at sororities at an unnamed Southern school. I loved it, and found it quite insightful.
Still working on reading the book you sent - I promise to pass it on as soon as I finish!
One of your best posts, my friend. I was also a sorority girl (no, I will not use that term!) and definitely regret it now. While it gave me a place to rebel from our small-town roots, it wasn't good for me. I ended up "going social" (still on the roster, not participating) my senior year because I couldn't take the drama. I have FINALLY found the female friendship I've always imagined and it's wonderful - no "dues" involved. :)
oooh, i always wanted to be a sorority girl...i would have been good at all the parties
how fun
I was so anti anything that had to do with belonging to a group that I feel like I missed out on a lot.
Did you win a book? :)
I can't believe I have never heard that term until now...where was I hiding?
I agree, us females can be mean, mean, mean to each other sometimes! I don't get it, why we do that to each other, but sadly it's true :-(
Some of my best friendships in life have had nothing to do with my sorority affiliation, too, just like you. It was neat to join, and I did meet some great girls that way, but it didn't define my existance. I think that's the healthy way to be!
I never joined a sorority, neither did my sister, although both of us would have been third generation legacies at our grandma and mom's sorority. But, at our campus that particular sorority was the, shall we say, "not nice-with-a-capital-B" one. But, really, I never saw myself as a sorority girl.
I once read this book "Pledged," where a reporter went under cover into a sorority. The viewpoint was quite fascinating.
I was a frat boy, but at our small school it really did not matter--most folks could care less. The experience was overall good for me, but not sure if I had it to do over again, I would. Just see the world a bit more clearly now.
Great post! And I double ditto the fact that friendship's with women can be very hard.