What I *Should* Have Said  

LOL!

I have had a pretty good week.

Although I did actually let some things fly at my husband over the whole TV issue because he was sulking about it. What I meant to say was, what I really said.

He snapped out of it and jumped on board :-))

What I said is not fit to print :-)

oh gosh!! I have those moments all the damn time!! I should start keeping track of them! None are really jumping out at me right now.. hmmmm......

Oh, I know one that wasn't directed at me. I heart it on the radio. The ads that people's baby's can read! This one mom stated that her son was 3 yrs old and was reading at a 2nd grade level. when said child was in kindergarten he was moved up to 1st grae after 2 weeks. I was thinkng wow..maybe I should get that for JonJon.

Then I snapped out of it and said to my self, no he'll do it when he's ready. I'm just glad he knows his numbers, colors, knows virtually more about Star Wars than me, and is pretty much potty trained!

What I would have liked to have said to that mom is I'm glad that you have all the time in the world to work with your 3 kids to have them read, but I work 40 hours a week, drive an hour total daily, and am too tired to poop at night!

Oh my goodness this is so funny, I love it! I just found your blog and I love reading about other working Moms. I also work fulltime, many hours in midtown Manhattan and although I love it sometimes I wish I had more time to just be a Mom.

Sadie at heyMamas

too funny!! i love all those... isn't it funny how moms are so competitive. i mean, don't get me wrong, i tend (and i think we all do) brag on our kids, but we shouldn't compare like that.

What a great way to get things off your chest!! I agree with Julia about us Moms being so competitive. We all do it, I think it is because to us....our kids are the best :o)

Have a great day!!!

Oh I wish I too could be that brave and outspoken...would you just love to say it and then take a picture of their reaction to hand on the fridge!! It would be SO classic!

Man, I love Wednesdays. I thought about giving this blog carnival a go but I have way too much fun living it through your words!

Haha! I'm always having would be conversations in my head, but instead I smile politely. I'm too chicken to say anything of course. I was on an airplane once with my then 18 month old and she was always a nice quiet child. She lost it on the airplane and everyone around us were saying things outloud so we could hear them. Mean things about our child and us. A lady across from us actually started mouthing off to us about how to keep her quiet, etc. I was really embarrassed and doing everything we thought we could do. It was just what it was. I just ignored everyone and smiled politely. When she finally fell asleep, everyone started clapping. It was one of the worst moments of my life. We haven't been on a plane since. :) I just wished for them to have the same experience some day when they had children.

HAHAHAHA...Oh, where do I begin? The ultra competitive friend(s) or the people who stare at you when your kid acts like a kid?? I have had some GREAT comments in my head...they need to just come out of my mouth!

To my one friend who always says how beautiful she is...Would you please stop being so shallow and self-centered. I always kiss your ass but now I am going to stop and tell you that you can kiss my ass and shut the f*ck up.

Those are hilarious! I hate mommy-competition too!

Ooh, I love what you should have said to the pregnant woman. She has no idea what she's in for!

I kind of have the opposite problem, unfortunately. I usually find myself wishing I had the patience to keep my mouth shut. ;)

I can never understand people who don't like children in church. Didn't Jesus say let the little children come? I think HE'd rather have them there!

HAHAHA!! Oh yes.. those moments come so often! I always go blank in the craziness of it all and then as stew I think of all kinds of crafty things I WISH I'd have said!

And, you're right.. the pg lady has it coming! Then you can stare down her 2yr old..

Those are amazing!

One day you should really say all of these things...it would make for one hell of a blog post!

And I love it when check-out people talk to me about my purchases. I just went to the store this weekend and bought 2 36-count boxes of condoms. The not-more-than-17-year-old-boy who checked me out giggled the whole time.

And I have a question for you. When you get a chance can you email me at bluespinelgirl@yahoo.com?

Thanks for the laugh! Oh I can relate, to the one about people staring at you while your toddler jabers on.
What I should have said this week is "are you seriously sending me a letter because my son has missed 9 days of school, 6 of which we were on vacation over the holidays and you know that. And you say if he misses 1 more I need a dr permission to come back? Do you people not have anything better to do with your time, its Kindergarten for pete's sake!"

This is great! I'm going to have to start writing things down.

I don't know about you, but I tend to think of good comebacks WELL after the conversation ended.

How I wish you'd actually said these things!

Especially to the competitive mom. You know that's my personal pet peeve.

Competitive Mom is my favorite.

I had a friend tell me how they only use natural products and only eat organic food.

I wanted to say, "Yep, we are just waiting for Roo's 3rd arm to pop out any day now. Hopefully those chemicals do the trick!"

Thank you for this!! I laughed so hard on these, especially the stare down pregnant mom! I would have had a few choice words for her. Obviously she has just the one on the way? She'll get hers.

I had a moment on an airplane once when Kay was 14 months old. It started with almost missing the 3 o'clock flight because of security check lines. I was literally running through the airport carrying a toddler, diaper bag and purse. They allowed us to get on the plane and as I stepped on you could see the faces of the other passengers. It was like "of course. a mom with a small child. just great.". I did not buy a separate ticket for Kay so she had to sit on my lap. Unfortunately the flight was booked solid and there were no extra seats like I had hoped. The flight was horrible and the guy next to me in the window seat grimaced every time Kay squealed, squawked or cried. I apologized every time but I would have rather said "what the heck do you expect from barely a toddler, who has missed her nap, can't sleep in my lap and you're in the window seat that she wants to sit in!!?" Halfway through the flight he did get up and tell me he was going to the bathroom and never returned. HA! Which gave us another seat to climb into and the window. So in the end, her cantankerous mood did work for us. I will however, never ever not buy my child a separate seat again.

A+ on your "responses."

Just a couple of notes:

On the parents always looking to one-up someone else with their kids (obviously to compensate for their own inadequacies) with just let our kids watch plenty of Dora and Diego. After they spout off a few "abajos" and "grandes", those moms and dads are just silent.

Our little ones are awful in church. That goodfy lady would have been begging for you all to be near her if I had my bulls loose in that china shop.

I love this post and if I can make my brain actually think today through the medicine and stuffed up nose I may just play along I love the one about the pregnant woman...you will never understand until you have a kiddo

To someone who once made a comment about how little tv my son watched. Instead of, oh he doesn't really like it that much. I would have said Im sorry if I don't stick my child infront of the tv to watch shows that are way to old for them anyways!! Not that I am saying a little tv is bad, but for someone to comment that I only allow one hour of tv a day for my three year old almost blew my mind

Someone else posted about a competitive mom today. LOL I hate people like that. Why is everyone in such a hurry for the kids to grow up and do big kid/adult things?? I want to keep my babies, well, babies.

TOO FUNNY!! You crack me up girl!! The store clerk is my favorite, and what you 'should have said' matches my situation PERFECTLY! I am secretly hoping for another little one but my husband has but the kabosh on that one. Unless there is a miracle IUD pregnancy, I think I'm S.O.L.

Had I actually left my house in the past few days, I'd totally do this post, LOL!

Judgy Newbie Mommies make me crazy! Visiting you from Chief and now new follower!

Ohhh, competitive moms annoy me. I'm sure I've been one without knowing it because you get in those conversations with other moms about things, but nothing grinds my gears more than the mom who has the genius child.

Also, 17 months is early for potty training, no? McKenna just mastered it and she's 3! No rush =).

PS
McKenna goes to a school where she's taught two languages besides english. I don't brag because as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't count if I don't know what she's saying ahhahahahahaha.

HAHAHA!! I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING! great post!

Ohhhh competitive moms!! ugh!! Actually, anyone that thinks your kid should be doing something more than what they are...that's a pet peeve of mine! Like my baby is almost 2 and people have been asking for months..."isn't he talking yet???" Geeesh! he has 2 sisters that do the talking for him....so WHAT!!!????

I wish you would have asked me this question a couple of weeks ago :) I hate people who stare my child down. Pisses me off.

Oh, you should totally join us for The Skew. It's our spin off of "The View". We're all a little nutty, but we have some good things to say sometimes!

What a nosy sales clerk. Next time you should go through with some truly odd items like condoms, a banana, some hemrrhoid cream, maybe some cinnamon, and a package of bobby pins, then tell him you have a BIG weekend planned. Just to see what he says.... LOL

Oh I love all of your "should haves." I always think of these things way after the fact of the initial conversation. Here's one..
I walk into a room and this girl comes up to me and says, "OMG you are so skinny! What do you do, throw up every 5 minutes??"
My response was, "Oh.. um thanks?! No I'm not bulimic, I have been doing P90x..."
I should have said, "Thank you! You're looking pretty fat! What do you do, eat every 5 minutes??"

LOL!
My neighbor is like that about her daughter. she's the bestest in everything!

I hated when people stare down at talkative happy children. they forget they were once children themselves.

i told off a man in a hospital once for making "ughhh.." sounds everytime my friend's kid would talk. He's talkative and loud, but a happy boy. He wasn't doing anything, but talking. I guess the man found it too annoying, so I said: "He's a child! He's not running around and disturbing people, he's just talking! You don't like it, there's plenty more lobbies in this hospital!" My friend, the kid's mom, was inside getting treatment for her cancer, and I was babysitting him in the lobby.

You could have said she could beat her daughter's ass! That's what my momma used to say. ;)

That prego should have been praying for the drugs she's going to need in a few years.

I should have told the woman that stared down my 3 1/2 year old at swimming lessons that "just because MY kid puts his head down, kicks, floats and listens to the instructor DOES NOT make him the next Michael Phelps ... it only means that your 6 year old who can't even blow a bubble is a big dope!"

This was a great and funny post. I am definetly like you and wish I could say the things that were really in my head. The last time this happened was with the people (semi-friends) who are renting our house in FL.

What they said:
We can't afford rent this month, can we skip a month?

Me:
Well, we really can't allow you to comepletely skip the month but let's figure out a payment plan. We're willing to work with you.

What I should have said:
Are you kidding me!!?! How do you have money for a boob job, tummy tuck and an Escalade, but can't afford to put a roof over your four kids head....

On another note, I'm ready for number 2 also...Josh is not. I feel you there!

Haha, my 4YO just mastered her alphabet (identification of sight and sounds of letters) and is starting to read...I so didn't (and still don't) have the time to homeschool! Which is why they go to preK as soon as humanly possible.

Your competitive friend is the kind of friend I slam the door on her face or hung up the phone on. I loathe those kind of friends, who think everything is a competition.

I'm sorry the pregnancy test wasn't what you're hoping for. Love your WIMTS...I just hopped on over from Chief's. I also love this WIMTS Wednesday..great way to vent.

What a great post!!! I wish I could do this, but some of those people I would talk about are people who read my blog, since my posts automatically go to facebook. So sadly I can't. But I do get those moments all the time!! Actually today my "friend" who I have been having some problems with told me that she felt threatened by me because of how I was talking to her. I wasnt yelling, I was calm. I almost laughed. There is plenty I could of said but didn't. Anyways great post, look forward to more of these.

I can't believe some things other Moms will say about other peoples kids.

You should say this stuff sometime and write about the peoples responses...

then we'll all live through you..lol

P.S. You're guest post is ready to be published tomorrow...thanks again for being a good sport!

you make me laugh!
perfect :)

I love this...I gave up along time ago caring what my competitive friend think...mostly cause It always just made me feel bad about myself! I even wrote about it...

http://faithfulma.blogspot.com/2010/01/how-dumb-is-box-of-rocks-anyway.html

Sorry for the spam, I just so get it!
Thank you so much for your comment today, so nice to meet new friends and find fun blogs.

Oh, Elizabeth, I'm so sorry but Gucci Mama's baby is less than a year...and she's typing her comments. I LOVE these moms! And the witty bite with them...Since your daughter, too, has jumped in on the foreign language bandwagon, I guess I'll just have to add you to the bunch. Kay with you?

As for should have saids...they're terrific...to the guy at the pharmacy and the pregnant lady. Don't we all have "should have saids"? Hmm...great post!

Thanks for the comment, that made my day!!! Glad to say I would rather have the FIELD hog my husband than my FRIEND-- hahaha!

I am the QUEEN of walking away and thinking of good things I *should* have said!!

Oh...the competitive friend...they are called "the one upper"

Don't you know you can't win!

The only thing you can do that iritates the heck out of them is loose them. Then go live a gloriously happy life! :)

I totally have the one-upper mom friend. I never know what to say. Once I said, "Yeah, I think my kid's retarded and will probably never be able to do that." She pretty much shut up after that.

Ok well I absolutely loved the post.

Ummm...Where should I begin on the things I should have said but didn't. I have that whole my child is better/smarter than yours syndrome from mothers all the time.

As homeschoolers it is really bad at co-ops and such.

Like... my child can understand 25 foreign languages and is working on his bachelors degree.

Really?

Oh yeah did I mention he's only 10?

Give me a break! Sometimes I barely make it through a day and accomplish one worksheet.

I could go on and on. Good luck!

hahaha! Love this! Next time you will say what you really want! :)

What she said: "Your 4-year old drew a picture of a "baby brother". Are you pregnant?"
What I said: "No. And we are not having any more kids."
Her response: "Never say never!"
What I said: "Ha, ha... never."
What I should've said: "Thanks for the thought. I wanted more children, but becoming pregnant will kill me, so I had me uterus removed because the hormone roller coaster was killing me... so no, never. I need that part of my body to be pregnant. Bitch."

Too funny. I cut off an insult to someone who obviously didn't know the major cities of the state in which he lives ... instead I just smiled and acted like he must be right. He still didn't give me a deal on his product though...

You are hilarious! I often have those moments where I think of something awesome to say way after the fact!

Good for you for having self control in these situations. You make me smile!

I just love how these mom's to be do that! Or those who don't have kids who have reached the challenging years, they just have NO IDEA what they have instore for them!!

Oh no he didunt! Bun in the Oven!? Holy Tamales!

You are a very patient woman!

Thanks for playing!

LOL! When people make remarks that I hate, I always give the nice polite response and then think for days about what I really wanted to say.

Oh my gosh. I'm shocked about the pregnant woman. Usually pregnant woman have tons of patience for babies and children. No one else of course- but 2 year olds definitely!

LMAO. Boy does that preggo lady have it coming to her. I often want to smack my sister-in-law who's "uterus is hurting because her nieces are so cute" yet she has ZERO patience with Bean. Then she turns around talking about wanting children but not sure what to do with her 6 cats. Uh...you want kids or cats lady. If you can't handle a chatty 6 year old, good luck with a crying baby at 2 am.

hahaha, peed my pants!

So laughing at your friend/competition comment!!!

One of your commenters said you should REALLY say these things one time and it would make one heck of a post -- I agree! :-D

HAHAHA!! omg too funny!! Im soo going to have to use that arabic/roman numeral thing on my competitive sil!! hehehe!!

I lllloooovvvveeeee this post!

I have so many of these to share....

For starters:
To the new grad student starting in our lab who needs his hand held to find the bathroom:
He said: "Well, I'd like to find a time to have you show me where everything is in the lab."

I said: "Well, here is the spreadsheet I created that lists in alphabetical order, or in numerical order, where things are and in which drawer number."

What I **should** have said:
"Seriously, you have two hands, two eyes, and one would think... A BRAIN... maybe you should contemplate LOOKING AROUND and using your senses to find the things you need instead of asking me to use up my precious time to make YOUR grad school career easier."

What you are you saying? Me? Cynical? Never....

Can we make this a weekly thing???? Please please???

I loved the pregnant woman one! So true! It is so frustrating when people act like that. Especially if they have kids or are about to have kids! Get used to it!

Oh my gosh, I loved this! I always think that too myself, and it is always too late!

You are really good at this! These were a riot to read.

I'm generally pretty direct on calling people on their actions/words... It's why, when I was in college, my good friend (who was my MoH at my wedding) would say -

I'll trade you some of my sugar for your salt

However, I'm not great at disclosing my fertility issues in real life. So this is back dated a bit... Okay, 2 years, but who's counting...

Me: Mom are coming to the birth of your grandchild

Mom: WHAT!!?!?!? It's cold up there.

Me: But it is your grandchild. I'm having a scheduled c-section, so you will know EXACTLY when the baby is coming. I've been on bedrest for 6 weeks. It'd be nice you came to see me too.

Mom: Well then, you should have planned your pregnancy better so you didn't give birth in the winter.

Me: Mom it wasn't really my choice. God had some say in the matter...

What I should have said:

Bite me Mom. The fact that it took a year (& yes, I realize this is lucky), and an infertility diagnosis that almost ended my marriage because I was so crazy with wanting a baby, and DH wasn't, you can kiss it where the sun don't shine. I'm just thankful to be having a child. Regardless of IF the timing meets your climate needs.

Oh - & your DH wanting a 2nd... Honestly, we started talking about it around a year, but it wasn't until Dec that DH fully got on board... And by on board I mean, I'm not allowed to do my temp (not that J would allow that anyway) or talk about fertility outside of Dr appt highlights.... I'm just supposed to seduce him on the key days, make sure I don't only on those days so he's clueless... And we will let nature takes its course...

Oh, yeah, he had one other criteria...

I'm not allowed to go crazy again. :)

It's cathartic to get it out sometimes...right?
Can't think of any situations right now and don't want to spend too much time making myself mad. :)

I went to a babyshower this past weekend and a guest showed up WITHOUT a gift(who does that?)and after when we were leaving I heard her complain about the food!!!
I bit my tongue HARD plus she was lucky I wasnt feeling well or else I would have said,"you got what you paid for,since you didnt bring a gift,so shut up!"

ooooh there were SO many things I wanted to say to my Mom this week. I won't bore you with all of them! But here's one:

my Mom (after I told her how much my son now weighs and how tall he is, at 4 months): "No wonder xxx seems heavier to you now, since he weighs twice as much as when he was born! He is progressing right along on both weight and height, as he is not too chubby or too skinny, and seems to be “just right”."

what I said: nothing

what I wanted to say: "well thank goodness he's not too chubby or too skinny in your mind, because we know you'd love him less if you thought that were the case."

She's always making a point to say that she's glad he's "perfect", either in his physical appearance, his demeanor, etc. It's not always true (she'll say he's such a sweet baby 24/7 even when he's fussing), but thank goodness she's convinced herself that it is, because otherwise she seriously would start to say that we're doing something wrong as his parents. She was very competitive with me (used my accomplishments as a bragging tool) growing up, and I see it already starting with my son, and it drives me CRAZY. So what if he's a little skinny or chubby? What if that were the case? Is that a crime?

Love these!
I can't believe that kid asked you if you had a bun in the oven!!

HAHA...so funny!
I loathe the competitive moms! I'm a SAHM and my 4 year old barely knows 1 letter, let alone the whole G.D. alphabet!

You should know that I love you. Wait.. I think you already do. {blush}

Toni @ Hemp & High Heels

Actually, if I had a 17-month old nowadays, I'd be teaching him/her sign language; I'm told that babies who can sign their needs are much happier and feel empowered. Maybe you can teach your daughter to sign to her little friend, "Your mom is a lunatic." Besides, reciting the alphabet is a useless skill; it's learning the soundsof the letters (in isolation) that is a real skill. If your daughter can identify a G in isolation, she's on her way :) That mom didn't really say that like that, did she?

Oh, and P.S. Someone I know taught his son to read by age two (flashcards). The kid grew up to love reading, but the sad part is, he never knew how to interact with human beings, because he always had his face stuck in a book. Today, he's a very odd man. (not saying it was all caused by the reading; clearly, his parents were odd to begin with.)