For the past three years, nine months, and two weeks, my husband has been a slave to the night.
It was something we thought would be temporary when he settled on a career in law enforcement after that injury I talked about a few weeks ago ended his football dreams.
But it followed us... like a nightmare... when we moved from the Dirty South to The Carolinas.
And, whether either of us wanted to admit it or not, it changed our marriage-- our lives-- and not necessarily for the better.
Today, my great blogger friend Julia is upping the ante on her "Working Mommy Wednesday" meme, and I wanted to help her kick it off on the right foot. She wants to know...
Back when DH first worked nights, it was only on a rotating basis: two weeks on day shift, two weeks on night shift. That was doable. Then, earlier this year when G was just a few months old, DH's bosses at the sheriff's office came up with a
Does anybody else find it
surprising that half of DH's coworkers
actually wanted to work overnight?
To be honest, it was miserable. DH & I often passed like strangers in the night. We didn't go to sleep at the same time, even on his days off. We didn't wake up at the same time. We often went 12-day stretches during which we only saw each other for 15 minutes here, 30 minutes there, and nothing more.
And even though it was his career, it affected my job too. I've talked about how I had to give up on two promotions because of his schedule. It also meant I wasn't available to fill in in a pinch when people called out sick. And it meant that basically every single sick day I've taken over the past year was not because I was sick.
DH makes more money than I do.
His job has more room for growth than mine does.
His job has less flexibility than mine.
So that meant when the sitter was out sick, I took the day off to stay home with G. That meant when DH was sick on his days off, I took the day off to watch G. It also meant that, when I had already gone more than a week without spending any meaningful time with my husband, I took the day off to enjoy my family.
I've used DH's nocturnal
schedule as a crutch...
...as an excuse.
And now...
I'm not sure what to think. On one hand, for the first time in almost my entire marriage, I will have my husband at home-- in bed with me-- every single night! But, at the same time, for the first time in almost my entire marriage, I will have my husband at home-- in bed with me-- every single night.
So what now?
Now, I lose that crutch, that reason, that excuse that kept me from reaching for the stars. That kept me from sleeping under those same stars next to my husband. That forced me to-- yes, at times-- lie to my co-workers and even my friends about why I wasn't around.
Now, DH & I learn to be a "normal" (really, what is normal these days?) couple... really for the first time in our marriage.
Now, maybe I end up with more sick days to use for days like today-- when I actually... am... sick!
Yay for you guys! How hard that had to of been working opposite shifts. You got use to it, so this will take getting use to, also, but I think your gonna love it!!
I'm so excited that DH will be working days! I guess it does mean that you all have to adjust...again, but it will be wonderful to have more "family" time! I hope you feel better! I've been meaning to e-mail you, I have little hands reaching for the keyboard right now, but maybe later today... :) I just like to jump on and see your posts in the mornings!
Oh girl! It is hard to switch up like that. My husband took a temporary assignment that had him traveling out of town A LOT a couple of years ago. It took a while to get settled into a routine and be okay with him being gone. When the assignment ended....it took a while to get used to him messing up my routine!!! In the end, it's better with him here, but it was not an easy transition.
Oh, and my hubby played division one football too....offensive takle. :) He had knee and elbow surgery....the arthritis is a lovely parting gift from college football...I think he would have prefered a watch.
I must admit that the night shift is a rough one - the man has it too. Though, I'm not surprised that ppl volunteered for that shift because they get paid more to work overnight. I'm sure everything will work out for the better...you just have to make time for yourselves - as much as you can - and be there for each other.
~WM
Well, I don't work anymore {at least not unless you're counting the laundry & the dishes & cleaning up after the crazies in my house} but I will admit when I was working I did call in sick even when I wasn't sick. Sometimes it was because the kids were sick - but I always owned up to that & took work home with me. But there were even times when I called in sick just because I needed a break - a whole 6 or 7 hours of just me time.
Opposite shifts are miserable! I was lucky enough to be able to go to days when we'd been married for about a year....the isolation of opposite shifts is really profound. I'm so glad you'll both be on normal shifts...you won't know what to do with all the together time! :-)
Hope you feel better soon!
~HB
That is a great post. It's tough when they aren't around, and then they are and you have to adjust..it's like getting married all over again,without the excitement of getting married!
That does sound tough, but it's great that you'll get to be on the same schedule for once! It will probably be a big adjustment, but it will be nice to have that much more time together.
I feel your pain! My husband is a State Trooper and works nights 3 months straight, then gets a month of a day shift. (of course, he typically still gets called out on day shift so he's just gone all of the time!)
Mine is also about to make a change, he'll be moving into a detective's spot.. mostly daytime work! I can't even imagine! You'll have to tell me how it goes for you guys so I can prepare. lol I'll LOVE having him home, him seeing the kids a lot more, having HELP, but I'll also have to let go of a lot of control that I've had. Over supper, the TV, bedtime routines, etc... it's gonna be a change!
I am happy for you guys. It will be an adjustment.
As my husband nears retirement I don't know if I am ready to have him around all the time. But then I guess life is an adjustment, you just never know when things are going to change. You just have to hold on tight and keep your arms and legs inside at all times.
Great post!! Glad you're finally on the same schedule!
I completely understand. My husband was deployed for 14 months .... I did it all! And, I wanted him home SO badly. When he finally came home? I missed MY time, MY bed, MY remote .... isn't it funny how when you get what you want, you wonder about it all??
You will enjoy being on the same schedule ... really, you will!
How great that you will be back on the same schedule, but I would imagine it will take some getting used too.
How awesome that you and your hubby are on the same schedule now. It is going to be an improvement from the previous situation.
FEEL BETTER!!
wow. that was an awesome story. i couldn't imagine working opposite my husband. we thought we might have to when we moved a couple months ago. but so far we haven't had to. i can't imagine the toll it took on your marriage. how do you like it so far?
thanks for sharing your story!!!
Good luck on adjusting!! My husband use to work 24 hour on and 48 hour off shifts. I loved my 24 hours, I got more done when he was not around! It has been hard, but I DO LOVE having him next to me at night!
You'll learn to re-love it...it will just take some getting used to! Still...I'd some "sick" days to just have some time :)
Good for you mama, a day off is well deserved. The hubster and I worked opposite shifts for 2 long years, it was no fun and no bueno on the relationship...when he finally got back on first shift, it was a learning process to have everyone home at the same time!
smooches,
Sassy Chica
Great post:)
There was a time when my husband was on 3rd's and I hated it with a passion. Then he was moved to second, which did not bother me, until our son was in school and only got to see his daddy in the morning and weekends. He has been on 1st shift for almost 2 years now and I love having him home. So does the kids.
I have called off sick when I wasn't actually sick.
Wow, I can't imagine that night schedule. Seems so hard to do and you guys made it through just fine! You will love having him home.
Elizabeth I don't think I have ever read your blog before and I apologize for that. I def over looked something. Anyway, sorry :o) You have a great blog and we have a whole lot in common. My husband is 6'6" too and played college football. It all ended with a torn ACL. He is wanting to get into law enforcement now when he gets out of the Navy. Ok maybe we don't have as much in common as our husbands do LOL. I really enjoyed reading your blog and can't wait to read more.
That is great news, but I can understand trying to have a "real marriage" now. Your story is very sweet and I am sorry you are really sick!!
Hugs,
Brandy
My husband worked nights for years. His sleep is still messed up from it. Here's hoping everything works out for you guys!
Thanks for stopping by my blog!
Hey! Thanks for coming by Monday and for the comment, hopefully my girls think I am a pritty cool mom too ;)
I think that you will end up loving having your husband on the same schedule with you! Think of all the great things you will be getting to do together as a family (dinner, playtime, etc.)!
I hope you feel better soon!
Angela
http://lovelaughterandonecrazylife.blogspot.com/
Goodbye! C'Ya! Wouldn't wanna be ya. Punt!
That my neener neener dance to the nightshift!
Oh, and the punt was kickin' it to the curb for ya.
What a road you have been on! I hope that his change in work makes your marriage strong, makes you fall more in love, makes you lean on each other more. While you don't know how to feel, I hope you feel like you can dream.
That is hard on a marriage, on you, on your child, everything. You will adjust to having a "normal" life, if there is such a thing anymore.
Now that you can take a real day off, schedule one for just you, then one for just you & your DH!
And yes, I have called in sick to take care of the little ones.
That is so great for you guys! I'm sure it is very hard to live like that.
As for calling in sick when I'm not sick, I don't think I ever did. My calling in sick was always reserved for my sick kids. It is funny, though because my hubby finally went back to work today after calling in "sick" for 3 days this week!
Found your blog, blog-hopping. I don't know how you do it all! It makes me exhausted just thinking about it. That's what keeps life exciting through right? I work part-time from home and find that tiring. My hats off to you. Hope the schedule readjustment works out. My hubby works nights a lot. Makes it a little crazy.
It will be an adjustment - that's for sure! In the end, I'll bet you will both love it.
I hope you feel better soon!
My husband doesn't work nights, he just works long hours. Meaning I work all day and single parent most nights. But I keep reminding myself it's temporary. I am glad to have found your blog and look forward to reading how the adjustment goes. Good luck!