I am the defender against dust-bunnies. The controller of the cash. The protector of clean toilets.
I am Elizabeth, "Wife-In-Chief".
OK, I can't credit for the title. I actually read an article of the same name in last month's issue of "Redbook" (that, by the way, is a whole other issue--how a 27 year old turned away from Cosmo and Glamour and to Redbook and Good Housekeeping). But it really hit home. In my house, and I'm sure in many homes in America, it is the wife who really holds the keys to the kingdom.
In my lineage, this goes back to my mother, then to her mother, then to her mother-- my great-grandmother. In a time when couples most definitely did *not* divorce, my great-gram ended her first marriage by walking out. Instead, she walked straight into the arms of my great-grandfather, whom I never got a chance to meet. And although he ran a very successful bakery during the height of the Great Depression, it was clear who ran his household: my great-gram.
She passed the trait (I'm fairly sure it was a dominant allele) for commanding-- and commandeering-- her home on to my grandmother, who to this day still controls the words, thoughts, and actions of her three daughters and four grandchildren, myself included. She is the epitome of a matriarch in a family of matriarchs. Perhaps it comes from being the oldest daughter.
So when Grama gave birth to my mother-- also the oldest daughter-- it was a given that my mother would also learn to become wife-in-chief of her own family. My mother's tactics for accomplishing this feat are substantially different to how my grama went about it. While my grama has always been very... hm, shall we say "vocal"?... about her likes and dislikes, her wants and needs, what she approves of and what she doesn't, my mom has taken a Teddy Roosevelt-like approach to it all: "Speak softly, and carry a big stick." My mom never used shouting or screaming or hysteria to get what she wanted. Instead, she batted her eyelashes at my dad (who, oddly enough, worked as a company "comtroller"-- no "n"-- for the first 30 years of his career) and asked every so sweetly for a dinner out, a new necklace, a weekend getaway. Her requests we almost always met with a smile, a wink, and a nod.
Being the oldest-- and only- daughter in this matriarchal family, I too have learned the fine art of being "wife-in-chief". I control the purse strings; I can tell you at any given dime, almost down to the pennies, exactly how much cash we have in our savings account. I manage the schedule; I have a nice little spreadsheet that categorizes everyone's appointments so that no one forgets... even the dog's. I assign chores; and although DH is a thoroughly modern man and executes a full half of the housework (trained him well, didn't I?), it would most likely be forgotten without the nice little "chore chart" I have posted to the side of the refrigerator.
That's not to say DH has been "unmanned" in any way by my household dominance. The fact that he doesn't have to worry about money, try in vain to remember his next doctor's appointment, or wonder if this is his week to cook gives him time to concentrate on more masculine endeavors... like his fantasy football league or who won last weekend's big UFC match (wrestling is called a match, right? or is it a game? I can't remember).
I think it works out pretty well in our house. Besides, if I am "Wife-in-chief", he is definitely First Husband.
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on Wednesday, November 04, 2009
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You remind me of my sister who has been referred to as "a force of nature" by one of her friends. In my family my grandmother is referred to as the Queen. The last time my sister hosted a family event she declared herself the Queen of her house, and Grandma said she would gladly pass her the crown.
Love the title :-)
I'm the family storm trooper. No, not Star Wars fans, hubs is a weather man. I think it is very similar to the title Wife-In-Chief but more cut throat. Being done with less tact and poise as one who is a WIC. Love the blog BTW, and you get to pass it all on to "G"!
Love this. This is how my household runs as well. I am the one in control of everything!
I love this post. It is one hundred percent true. Thanks for stopping by my blog.
You are FUNNY! So glad you stopped by and I am a new follower!!
So true! We wives/moms work extra hard at keeping things running smoothly...
I like your chore chart idea. (More for myself and my kids rather than DH though.) He does the outside work and occasionally helps inside. I guess since I stay-at-home it's only fair, right? =)
Love it! I want a crown too! In our home, I'm called Household 6. That's what the guys in the Army call their wives (my fiance is a drill sergeant)... basically, at home, we make everything run smoothly despite our busy lives (work, kids, etc)! :-)
Thanks for stopping by, following and commenting! I'm also following you now! :-)
And I think that one of the Vixen chicks would be a GREAT Halloween costume! My fiance would love it if I did that! LOL
What a great first post for me to read! Lovely to meet another strong woman!
Thanks so much for stopping by my blog today.
Hope you don't mind another follower!
I think you look great in wearing the CROWN. How true this post is, we as wifes keep it all together.
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I am enjoying your blog. Think I'll add it to my ever-growing list of blogs to read.
Oh, and we purchased the costumes from the Disney Store. They last for years and the kids wear them all the time!! Literally, all the time!
Love the crown...we are a dual CEO household and I am quite happy about that! :)
I let hubby think he's the chief when really all i need to do is shoot him a look and it's clear who's boss in our house :)
Love the blog by the way x
OK, you are so right, we might just be "cosmic twins!" Not only have I also at 28 turned from Cosmo to Redbook and Good Housekeeping, but I also am the wife-in-chief, totally. I also went to school for TV production and almost went down that path professionally. Wow. What a small world! I'm following you now, can't wait to see what other random things we have in common. Thanks for visiting me today!
:)
Elizabeth (a.k.a. Type A Mommy)
LOVE this.
My place would FALL APART if it wasn't for my Type-A-ness.
My man's friends used to make fun of him for letting me manage his wallet when we first got together. Said friends are currently residing at home with parents. *Blows dust off nails*
Cute pic!
Count me in the list. I know where every single penny goes, and will go. It is like an obsession with me. I have not trained my husband on the cleaning duties yet... mainly b/c he won't listen & I have to redo whatever he does anyway (very few men I've ever met know how to actually clean).
However, we make a good team b/c he reminds me to calm down, and I remind him to shape up. Lol.
You have time for magazines? You go girl! I have Parents & Cooking Light sitting on my table, but alas, have no time to even open them.
Btw... my mom gave me a good book, called NurtureShock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman. Check it out, it is a good read.
Cute picture! Defender of dust bunnies, ha! I like the title you came up with better than mine...I'm the keeper of all things! I left you an award on my blog, go check it out!
Love this post! And, the comments have me rolling as well! Hilarious!
I have to say that around here I think we're pretty equally "in charge." It's amazing that we have a happy marriage b/c we're both fairly Type-A, leader-type people.
love the crown!