It finally happened. Today, karma bit me in the butt. My years of eye-rolling at other people's children who couldn't keep quiet in church (or a restaurant, or the mall) finally caught up with me.
Today, I was that mom.
Here's how it went down:
DH & I woke up, got ourselves ready, then started getting G ready for church. We got in the car about five minutes ahead of schedule, and arrived early-- for probably the first time in months. We had our pick of seats, and chose a pew with easy access to the aisle, the cry room, and the all-important exit.
G did fine for the first... oh, I'd say 12 seconds. But no sooner did we hit the kneeler for an opening prayer than she started fussing. Ok, ok, she wasn't "fussing". She was just being an almost-14-month-old. She wanted to run, jump, talk, touch, taste everything around her, and didn't understand that church is the one hour of the week when she can do none of those things that are not only acceptable at home, but usually encouraged.
Midway through the opening hymn, she started trying to climb down from her daddy's strong hold. By the first Gospel reading, she was jumping on the pew, waving and saying an exuberant "Hi!" to every man, woman, and child who walked by. And during the responsorial psalm, she started shouting in an attempt to be heard over the music.
The older woman seated next to my husband glared at us.
The middle-aged man across the aisle from me stared me down.
Even the 16-year-old boy in front of us rolled his eyes.
That's when I stood up and took G outside.
First, we sat in the hallway. I was hoping a few moments of "chill time" would be enough for us to return to the worship space. But all she did was run and scream, causing even more of a distraction than she had inside. Then, I took her into the cry room, but that was a mess of toddler humanity bad idea. Even with a hungry, howling newborn, a fiesty two-year-old boy, and a pair of chatty three-year-old twins, G was still the loudest and most obnoxious of the group.
Let me take a moment here to interject that we were now 30-minutes into the mass, and I had yet to realize which of our three parish priests was the officiant. I didn't hear a single reading, sing a single song, comprehend a single "Amen". I was merely a vessel in God's house, and I don't mean that in any type of flattering way.
DH & I made it to communion, at which point we received the host (the Catholic wine has been put on hold amid flu season this year), hastily blessed ourselves, and high-tailed it to the door as the entire parish clapped and breathed a sigh of relief.
I'm not mad or even frustrated with G; like I said, she's barely 14-months-old and doesn't know any better. Discipline is far beyond her grasp at this point. I'm disappointed in my ability to cope with the situation, but it was only last week that she cherubically smiled up at the gentleman next to her and blew kisses to those sitting nearby during the obligatory "sign of peace". Both DH & I were caught completely off guard by her behavior, and don't know where to go from here.
Yes, our church has a cry room and a nursery, but I think both those situations simply reinforce behavior that isn't acceptable in our family. The nursery (we checked it out after fleeing the worship hall) is full of dozens of screaming kids age five and under (and just two adults), including one boy who was dressed in his Halloween costume (I should know better by this point than to roll my eyes, but c'mon, it's November 8th!). These kids obviously came to church to "have fun", and while I don't debate that God is good and great, I don't think "fun" should be the main priority of anyone in attendance. I don't think the cry room is ideal either; both DH & I worry staying in there during the mass would give G the idea that it's ok to talk throughout the service, and that's not what we want either.
So, a shout out to parents out there-- do you have any ideas? Is there something we're missing?
The countdown is on to next week's service, and I can't afford a repeat performance!
The art if distraction is a great blessing! We always keep our kids with us during the church service. At the moment, we have a very ACTIVE and VOCAL 16-month old. We bring snacks and quiet toys to church every Sunday. It's not foolproof, and there have been times that we have to take him out in the hall for a few minutes, but by and large it WORKS. Good luck!
Maybe you could bring a special "church tote bag" with you. Fill it with new quiet toys and books that she can only play with at church. So it will be like playing with new toys every week. You could bring snacks too... like grapes or something...
Good Luck!
Wish I had some great ideas, but I've got nothing. That sucks, but I am sure she's not the 1st (and won't be the last) toddler to have too much fun at church! ;-)
Tamara
www.theunexperiencedmom.com
We have the same issue only double time. Addyson is 2.5 and Colton is just over 14 months. Addyson does okay about 75% of the time, and the others she needs to be redirected the entire mass. Colton was awesome up until about four months ago. Now he wants to get down, *talk* about anyone and everything he sees. Argh! I definitely feel your pain here. So here's the thing...first of all, God put the wiggle in children, so on soem level, try to embrace it. That's first. Then as far as my advice goes, we let Colton on the floor in front of our pew. My husband's legs barricade one side and mine the other. He has the floor space to move a little bit. As long as he is quiet, we allow it. I know he shouldn't be having "play" time. But we have to be realistic. He is 14 months. Just the simple act of coming to chrich every Sunday will teach him why we are there as he ages. Another trick, and perhaps our biggest saving grace, is a snack. We bring Cheerios or goldfish, and let him munch a little. We are careful to make sure we leave nothing behind, and it occupies him a bit. So between a small bit of freedom and the munchies, he does okay. Not perfect, but tolerable by most. Hope that helps some. I am no expert, but I deal with this every Sunday. Our Parish doesn't even have a cry room. Good luck, and let me know if you have any more questions.
www.arizonamamma.com
I wish we could send you some of the "structure" our church nursery has...Cate loves going there and they divide out by age a little more so that the lessons are age-appropriate...but since I can't send you that, have you tried Crayola Color Wonder Markers? We keep them in the diaper bag with one of the special Color Wonder pads. It's been great when we've been out to eat, at the doctor, or anywhere that we need to keep Cate amused and quiet. She loves marking up the pages and the best part is...they don't mark on anything else. :-)
We don't go to church but I can not imagine trying to take my almost 17 month old. He would be acting exactly the same way.
I do, however, think that church should be fun for kids. Part of what turned me off was the fact that the church I went to growing up was so stuffy and boring. As soon as I was old enough, I stopped going and never went back. So, if she's in the nursery having fun I don't think it's going to hurt her at this age. Eventually I'm guessing they'll have some type of class for her to attend during the service, once she's older?
I think sometimes we expect way too much from little ones. While yes her behavior makes you want to run and hide, the fact is it is completely normal and OKAY! Yes, she will eventually learn that there is a time and a place for everything but right now, I'd just do whatever you need to in order to get YOU through the service. Even if that means she's having fun.
Oh...and I would totally let my kid wear his halloween costume :)
Hi! Thanks for visiting my blog last week; sorry I took so long to come by and return the favor! Sounds like church was really tough this morning...I feel for you. Here's my only piece of advice, the one I've learned to live by since my oldest son became "that child" who evokes eye rolls and sneers from many. What other people think of you or your children is not what's important. Take a deep breath and do the best you can. That is more than anyone can expect of you. I'm not religious, but I'm willing to bet that God is happy to see you & G in his house, no matter what G has to say about it!! ;)
P.S. What is Truthful Tuesdays?
Snacks were my hero at that stage. No, you aren't up to discipline stage yet, but you are not yet past bribery!
Nope! You're not missing anything! You have a happy, energetic 14-month-old baby! :-) Welcome to the toddler-hood! LOL
I can't say that I've ever rolled my eyes because of a baby simply being a baby. I think it's sad that you were being glared at... in church... and I'm willing to bet most of those people (with the exception of the 16-year-old boy) have children of their own.
Nope. There is no "controlling" when a toddler makes noise or not. She's simply trying to be social in the best way she knows how. :-)
I've got 4 children and all of the times I WANTED them to be friendly, they played the shy game. All of the times I would have preferred them to be quiet, they playing the (very loud) friendly game! LOL It's just all part of them growing up.
And like you said, she doesn't know any better. Part of being parents is teaching them as we go along when and where it's ok to make noise and when and where they need to be quiet. She'll learn. Since church is a part of your life, she will learn that this is a place to be quiet and listen. But it may take a little time. :-)
Oh! One more thing! A suggestion, I suppose. Is there anything (quiet) that your daughter enjoys doing? Maybe a (washable...lol) crayon or two and a little note pad that she can go crazy in? Or a book that has lots of pretty pictures that she enjoys? Just something small to help her pass the time...?
I love your blog!!!! G is so beautiful!!!!!!
I wish I had a magic answer for you! I think you deserve a big hug for even trying!
This is the same quandary that has left Sean and I wondering what in the world to do with Gracie during church. We do have a nursery, with really great people as caretakers, but knowing that my baby is unhappy, and very likely screaming during the entire service, most certainly puts a damper on what should be an uplifting hour...If she were to join us, she would be like G, bored and ready to explore! I'm interested to see what others have to say!
Hi! thanks for stopping by my blog! I totally agree with you here. When we take the boys to church we spend the whole time in the "crying room" and it feels like we are not at church at all! I guess it's something I'll have to live with until they are a bit older.
First the fact you made it as long as you did should be congratulated. While at my GF church, little dude at 16 months whipped open confessional door and yelled " Look Mommy a potty!" He timed it as I was shouting GF's newest baptism. Of course they all looked at the person belonging to the loud kid! Luckily many already knew him from his other antics around town. As per the Halloween costume, if at 5 they want to dress like a ninja and it keeps them from fussing and annoying you, you let them dress as a ninja. Little dude has been since Thursday night. It comes down to battle of sanity in the our house. A costume will win be it Nov 8th or middle of July.
Thanks for the blog visit and have fun planning that trip, the upgrade comment made me LOL!
I used to bring a bag of little things to do to distract them. The only time the bag came out was for church. Now there were weeks when nothing worked, but for the most part they seemed to learn what was expected of them in church.
I'm "that" Mom everyday. You are wonderful. xoxo
SC
Who could possibly roll their eyes at hat sweet face. I remember so well. But this too will pass:)
snacks. and any kind of quiet toy to distract her and keep her occupied.
all kids are like that and even though people roll their eyes and glare - their kids were probably like that too.
it's okay to be 'that' mom somedays.
Unfortunately, all I have is either use the church nursery or have somebody else keep the little one. I feel for you though. Until my last was born, I never felt like one of those moms. My older two are pretty well behaved, especially out in public. I never understood other parents. That's when Leslie came along. I haven't found a solution yet, so if you get good advice, please pass it along!!!
Our Church does not have a children's room of any sort. They want our crying babies to feel welcome "singing" to the Lord. However, it distresses DH & I way to much....
So, when we do... Um, this is us...
Snacks were my hero at that stage. No, you aren't up to discipline stage yet, but you are not yet past bribery!
Also, DH & I trade off. Since I'm in RCIA this mostly means, DH stays home with J & I go to Mass... After Easter, it'll be *hello snacks*...
Just discovered your blog, and HAD to comment!
Snacks and a water bottle worked realyl well with both my boys. (One's a quiet mover, the other's a loud talker) Also board books and, like a previous commentor, Colour Wonder markers and colouring books. Generally pretty quiet.
I felt really bad one day after service when I'd had a particularly rough time trying to keep the boys under control. I was apologizing to the rector. She replied "If we don't have all the noise of children & babies, we'll just hear the rattle of old bones". And it's true, the children are the future of the church.
Ooch, that is hard. I too, struggle with keeping my 2 year old quiet during services. I have learned that time out works wonders. When he is acting out, I take him into an empty classroom and either hold him on my lap, or let him sit on a chair. He knows when he is in time out he cannot leave it. I let him cry it out for a few minutes and ask him if he is ready to go back and sit with Daddy. Sometimes he says no and cries some more, other times he says yes, and goes back in and is quiet. I want him to know that going into the hall is not a fun thing. That it is far better to be in the pew with his family than in time out in an empty classroom. Of course, I do bring a few books for him and paper and crayon so he can be quiet during the meeting. I don't know if this is acceptable in your church, but it sure works wonders for helping him be quiet and letting his parents listen to the speakers. Good luck!
OH, the joys of dealing with noisy kids in church! This is the exact age that all 3 of mine (and the majority of children at our church) began this! Isn't it fun?!
I agree totally with everyone who has suggested bringing a few books or quiet toys to keep her occupied. Stickers are my saving grace for church time with ALL of my kids (and my nephew). Yes, on occasion there is a bit of a sticker mess to pick up after church, but it's worth the peace and quiet.
I will say that I don't agree that she is too young to comprehend discipline, (although we all have our own opinions). Something I learned with my kids is that they had to learn that being taken out of church is much worse than having to sit quietly in church. No, I don't mean spankings (although I do believe in them and do occasionally spank our older children), but a time-out may work. Our pediatrician suggested time-outs even before our kids were a year old, and they DO work! A firm voice explaining to be quiet in church can work wonders (serious voice means business, right?), and then sitting them on the lap for 1 minute, with arms wrapped around them.
Good luck and hang in there! It will pass!! =)