This year, I have so much to be thankful for... my amazing daughter, my supportive husband, family who love me unconditionally and friends who are like family...
But tonight, I am especially thankful for the opportunity to give G one last drink.
It was now one year, two months, and 12 days since we welcomed G into our family. But because of a medical condition present at her delivery, I wasn't able to nurse her until she was 4 days old (yes, the picture at left is a photo of my first attempt at nursing her in our NICU cubby... that should explain the greasy, hasn't-been-washed-in-days hair, no make-up, and sweatsuit. I think it's a beautiful photo, and I don't think it shows anything inappropriate; if you disagree, please keep that comment to yourself!) Ever since that first time, when was she was just four days old, it is something she and I have done every single night of her life...
Tonight, I will officially wean my little girl.
Really, she's not so little anymore. She was just a hair under seven pounds at birth, and today, she's closing in on 23 pounds. I like to credit most of that healthy weight gain is due to my milk-- the source of life, the fountain of youth!-- but in all honesty, although she's never had a drop of formula, she did start solids the day she hit four months and I
That's not to say it's been all smooth-sailing. It was tough at first-- ok, really tough-- there was the initial engorgement; maddening, sleepless nights when she refused to latch on at 3am, yet wailed for hunger; two bouts of mastitis in just the first two months. She's bit me I don't know how many times, especially when she was first teething and didn't know what to make of those razor-sharp little chompers. There have been nights when she's cried, then I've cried, out of confusion and frustration over exactly what we were doing. There were months... and months and months... of pumping in a cold, uninviting women's bathroom in the bowels of the TV station, where I saw more cockroaches than people.
I didn't set out to nurse her for 14 and a half months, either. At first, my goal was just to get through for first two weeks. Then, a month. Two months. Four. Through my transition back to work. Six months. Nine. It wasn't until I surpassed the year mark that I finally allowed myself to relax, to breathe a sigh of relief... that I could stop nursing her any time I wanted to. But I didn't want to. The more I thought about weaning her, the more rabid about nursing her I became. Even now-- with that last session a mere 11 hours away-- I'm still thinking about backing out, about changing my mind, about nursing her until she's eight years old and going off to a sleepover at her friend's house and tells me, "Mom, that's simply not cool." Saying tonight is her "last drink" almost sounds like we're about to enter rehab... and in a way, it kind of feels like I'm embarking on a 12-step program. I know there will be a little sadness; there will be some regrets; I will probably make excuses for why I did it for so long, and excuses for why I stopped too soon; but, in the end, I know I will accept my decision because it's a way of letting my little girl grow up. It's not the end. It's just the beginning of a new, bittersweet phase. For her. For me, too.
So, tonight when I lay her across my lap on that Boppy pillow we have more than gotten our money's worth for, I will stroke her hair one last time. I will smell in her freshly-washed baby sweetness. I will whisper into her ear how much I love her, how much I've adored our time like this together. I will place her into her crib, kiss her goodnight, and close the door on one chapter of our relationship as mother and daughter... and open the door to new possibilities.
I also wanted to use this day of thanks to thank Dondi at Confessions Of A Housewife and Heidi at "From 3 To 5" for giving me this award:
I've been fortunate enough to win the "Best Blog" Award once before; if you'd like to see that original post (and who I passed the award on to then), just head here.
I'm going to take the rest of the holiday weekend off from blogging, and when I return on Monday (Cyber Monday, for those of you who plan on spending a good chunk of the day doing your holiday shopping online!), I will have my first giveaway to share with all of you... and maybe make your holiday shopping a little easier!
By the way, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade starts in exactly 21 minutes, and you know I will be front row and center in front of my TV to see it, and share it with G...
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on Thursday, November 26, 2009
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I love this post, girl. My heart is aching a little for you today. I can only imagine what this process must be like for you and I'll experience it soon enough myself. A HUGE CONGRATULATIONS for breastfeeding for so long, sticking with it through the hard times, and know that G will benefit greatly from all of your effort! Happy Thanksgiving. :)
awesome post about the experience of nursing. i was secretly relieved when it was time with my kids.
happy thanksgiving!
brooke
So sweet. What great blessings we all have as mothers. Thanks for stopping by yesterday...Have a beautiful day with your loved ones:)
I am sure tonight will be a very special time! Enjoy it and also look forward to new exciting things in your present and future with G!
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope your day is full of wonderful blessings!
I can't say that I am able to share your thoughts and feelings on this issue. Unfortunately my little girl was unable to latch - her mouth was just far too small - and she started with formula out of the gate. I am glad that you shared this with us because I've never experienced it - so thank you!!
Happy Turkey Day!!
~Working Mommy
Come on by, stay for a while and leave a comment or two!!
Happy Thanksgiving Elizabeth!
Enjoy your last night..I myself need to start the weaning process..I've breastfed a lot longer than I thought I would, but it's time to be done...I'm ready!
I can't wait to see what you'll be giving away!!
Keely
Hey there- just wanted to tell you that I'm really glad that I found your blog. We're likely going to start our family next year, but I don't have any plans to stop working when I have children. So anyway, I wanted you to know that reading the name of your blog gave me hope that I won't be a bad mom because I'm not at home full time! So thank you for that. Hope you're having a great Thanksgiving!
~Honey Bee
looking forward to your first giveaway.. we've been watching the parade too, and hannah is loving it!!
have a great thanksgiving!!!!
Hey there! Happy Thanksgiving!
My new header and blog design (which is in mid-transition still) was done by Jo-Lynne at www.dcrdesign.com. It was a decent price, too. Highly recommend her. I will eventually pay to switch over to wordpress, but not at the moment.
Hope you enjoyed the parade. I was watching it with my oldest who was actually interested in it this year! Yeah!
Looking forward to seeing what your first giveaway is. Wish I had stuff to giveaway. Guess I need to contact any friends I have that have stuff to giveaway, huh? Share how you're doing it!
Love this post. Happy Thanksgiving!
hope all goes well tonight!
Happy Thanksgiving.
I can't promise that what I've typed here will be free of spelling errors. I'm sitting here with tears in my eyes. That last paragraph really got to me. :( I've enjoyed breastfeeding my 7-1/2month old. It's such an intimate, special thing. I can't even imagine how I'll feel when we have that one last drink. It's not looking too good though. I'm sitting here crying and I haven't even weaned my little girl. LOL Anyway, thanks for sharing that with us all. Have a Happy Thanksgiving and good luck tonight. Oh, and thanks for stopping by my blog. It was nice having you over. Come by anytime!
That last feeding is oh-so bittersweet. I think I had about three different nights in a two week span when I was going to give it up. When I finally did I rewarded myself with a really nice pair of jeans (since we saved so much NEVER buying formula) and a cranberry/vodka on the rocks!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Auuuwwwweeee!!!! That made me tear up. So sweet.
Are you planning to go cold turkey??? That could be painful.... email me if you want to chat about it.
Awww, what a sweet post. The photo is beautiful.
Oh now you have me missing my little man who is napping. I nursed for almost a year and my son really wasn't into it the end so it was easier, but I totally hear where you are coming from. In the beginning it is a huge sacrifice (well lets be honest it was the whole time) but you get used to it and don't mind it. Although you will miss the nursing, I promise you won't miss the pumping at work!
Happy Thanksgiving!
How sweet! I know that bittersweet feeling of wanting to nurse, but knowing it has to end. When my son was in the NICU his Heart defect made him too tired to nurse, and while he latched on a few times, and at one point did well for almost a week at home, he never really had the energy to do it. I was so Thankful that he was alive, I couldn't be upset by it. I nursed my 2 oldest kids for longer than you, one almost 2 years and one almost 3 years, but I also nursed my 3rd for only 6 months and pumped for another 2 months. Now I am nursing and bottle feeding my 4 month old baby girl, and I think she is starting to ween herself from nursing! It is sad, but if that is what she wants there is nothing I can do about it.
I hope you and your little G make it through this transition in your lives. Only you and her will know when the right time to stop is, don't let any one tell you that you nursed for too long or for not long enough, and don't try to explain yourselves to them. We all have our moments and this is yours. When I weened my oldest, I just asked him if he was ready for bed and if he wanted to walk to bed like a big boy. We make a big deal out of it and it distracted him so he didn't notice he wasn't nursing and it started a new bedtime routine of reading and having special quiet bedtime talks. Of course with 5 kids now, there is nothing quiet about anything around here lol.
I am so Thankful that I have gotten to know you and to read your blog. Thanks for joining my Thanksgiving edition of Thankful Thursdays!
congratulations on being so awesome.
and bittersweet is right.
♥
I really liked this post. I hope it went well for you last night. I'm not looking forward to when I stop nursing my 11 month old baby boy, but I know it will be in the next 6 months.
~Heather
This is such a bitter-sweet moment for you, for sure...enjoy the time you had together through this bond and look forward to the new ones you'll share.
Hope you had an awesome holiday!
My youngest self-weaned at 15 months-and it was harder on me than on him, obviously, and I would have continued on until year two had he been interested. I worked full time, and had three other kids, but you know, it CAN be done, and done well-and I really missed those moments where we could simply BE together at the end of a busy day. But-when the time is right, it is right, and I wish you luck! Also, that Boppy? Yep-we got our money's worth, too, without a doubt.
Awww!
Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanks for stopping by!
What a beautiful post/tribute to you and your daughter.
that IS a beautiful photo! How much we all treasure those first moments. I agree with a lot of comments here - it will be bittersweet but you've given your baby the best from start to finish, and finish has to come sometime. I look back to my feeding days and miss the tenderness of them - but not the feeling of being the only person in the world to be able to feed them. Bring on weaning!
You've given me such lovely thoughts and memories tonight, thankyou.
happy sunday! godbless!
*Big sigh* Oh how I relate to this. It was the same feeling with both babies, and possibly a little more bittersweet the second time around. I think that's because I am fairly certain we won't have another. Love the picture.
My youngest is 13 months and I'm thinking weaning will be soon. Loved your precious thoughts and cuddles with your little "G".
I as not able to nurse, and this post really makes me wish things could have been otherwise. Also, I love the analogy to the 12-step programs. I could see the similarities. I am late, so it might already have been a "done deal," but I hope that things are going well! I am looking forward to the update.
Aaaaah, my youngest is 18 months and we stopped nursing at 5 months and I still miss it! Your post brought back wonderful memories :)
Aw, such a sweet post.
Thanks for the shoutout for my "comments for cans" post... and for leaving a comment. I've had a great response to the post, thanks for your support!
What a beautiful post; what an important moment to remember and celebrate. You made me cry!
I just found you, I am also a working mom, my girls are alot older than yours. My oldest is 21, I nursed for only 3 months she liked the bottle better, and a senior in college and the 2nd one 19, she nursed for 1.5 years, and just had my first grand son, she is nursing and doing really well, then there is my 3rd she is 10 and nursed for 2.5 months I had to return to work and nursing wasn't an option as i can not pump ( ihave amental bock lol) and last but not least my youngest is 9 and nursed for 3 months, again had to return to work. I have also read about your birth experience and it brought back my most recent memories of my grandsons birth, I was able to be there for it and it was a miricle.
What a beautiful picture! This was a wonderful post. I'm so impressed you nursed for so long, especially with working at the same time. This was an inspiration to me, so thank you.