In the spirit of Thanksgiving, all my posts this week will focus on the holiday. And today, it just so happens that this farcical recipe coincides with MckMama's "Not Me! Monday"... I always love it when my posts coordinate with some of my favorite blog hops!
STEP 1:
Find a recipe that involves as little prep time and cooking time as possible. Good sources are Better Homes And Gardens and Good Housekeeping. Try not to get waylaid by the sex-advice columns.
STEP 2:
Head to your local grocery store to pick up the ingredients. *NOTE TO SELF*-- deli meat is not the ideal type of holiday turkey. Also on the do not buy list: turducken and tofurkey.
STEP 3:
Come home, pour yourself a cold drink, and contemplate a warm bubble bath. You've done enough work already.
STEP 4:
Thanksgiving morning, begin preparing the bird for the oven. Pre-heat to 350 degrees and cook until you start smelling the musk of wild game. Forgot to thaw it? Then turn up the overn to 450 degrees and pray.
STEP 5:
Wait until the built-in thermometer
STEP 6:
Who forgot to take the giblets out of the bird's belly?
STEP 7:
Serve. Pray your guests are all up to date on their vaccinations, and that no one contracts e. coli or salmonella. Make sure you have poison control's number on speed dial just in case.
STEP 8:
Dig through the turkey's carcass and locate the wishbone. Pull it apart with your weakest guest (Grama? Are you there?). You win, and wish that somebody else hosts Christmas.... (and Easter... and Flag Day...)
STEP 9:
Make your male guests do the dishes. You've worked hard. Finally reward yourself with a glass of wine and that bath you've been thinking about. Nap in front of the tv while watching football.
This entry was posted
on Monday, November 23, 2009
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LOL That is awesome. I think #6 is my favorite. Christmas last year was my very first time to prep the turkey myself. I was so proud until hubby cut the turkey & discovered that our bird had 2 sets of innards & I left 1 of them in there. Ooops!
HAHAHAHA! That was hilarious! I'm hosting Thanksgiving this year. Please pray for me. ;o)
I forgot to put in my earlier comment that I have somehting for you at my blog :)
EEWW... that is so gross! I have this thing with meat.. I like to eat it but not prepare it type of deal! I now know I will never prepare the thanksgiving turkey!! Great post tho ;)
LOL I love the steps!!!!
Haha! You're awesome! Great post.
I've done #6!!!!! Great post..
Thanks for the comments. Those aren't their Christmas outfits, those will be a surprise. :)
I got her skirt at The Children's place.
Damn, were those the directions on how NOT to cook a turkey?! BLAST!! That must be why things didn't go so well last year!! Good thing I read this before T-Day this year...thanks for saving muh behind!
LOL!
I have baked the giblets inside the turkey once... once.
I will tape this to the fridge so I won't forget anything else this year!
Thanks!
Oh, too funny! Luckily, my mom still does the turkey - I just do all of the veggies.
I'm 47 years old and have never cooked a turkey.
Mom better outlive me by one day so I never have to do it in the future, either!
That's too funny!!! I've never cooked a turkey before ... after reading this, I'm not sure I'm up for trying, either!! ;)
Both enjoyable and sensible, Elizabeth. Weighing to say that I have personally survived 5 of the 9.
11. You really will enjoy your holiday if performance is the measure of your worth.
So.not. Very thankful for blogging this week. Barbara
Tofurkey! That is so hilarious!
I live in the "Sportsmen's Paradise" There is so much meat and wild game that all holidays are ridiculous... "Would you like a side of beef with your pulled pork and fried turkey and deer sausage?"
Love that last photo...eat ham! LOL
I love the "eat ham" turkey! Classic!
hahaha!! LOVE it! :) OR just get a full meal from Bob Evans! :)
haha!!
thanks for visiting my blog
and to be honest I WOULD totally go to Jail for Edward...just sayin :)
HAHAHAHA...laughed at every point! I have yet to cook a turkey by my lonesome, I always recruit my mom to do that....that way she can take the blame! JK :)
Step 7 literally made me laugh out loud! I wish that you could have made it to Atlanta. But 5 hours is a long drive! And thank for the encouragement on working in my PJ's. I do have to say that I love it! And to be earning an income while in the comfort of your own home, well you can't beat that. Thanks for stopping by my blog! I will follow yours...it's a hoot!
Summer
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! That is so funny! Kind of makes living far away from home, and not having to host big family dinners worth it!!! Thanks for visiting my blog earlier, yes jelly beans work like a charm, I also use smarties, but don't have to worry about them melting - they are eaten way too fast!!
I have done probably all of the above.
It was fun reading.
I am the mom that always get to cook the turkey andalways gets the blame when something goes wrong. oh well There is always next year.
Hahaha.....good thing I let hubby do the turkey while I do other things. ;-)
Now that's my kind of list! You're hilarious.
I end up doing a bird every other Christmas, and have sat here giggling until I have tears running down my face! These are GREAT! Can't wait to see what other fun holiday posts you have this week!
(And you say the word, sister. I'll throw down with any boss!)
He he. At least you are brave enough to try. I've never ever cooked a bird that big before and it seems a bit daunting.
I jumped on the bandwagon today (yay for some free time!):
http://rasl365.blogspot.com/2009/11/not-me-monday.html
I'm still rolling on the floor laughing my you know what off... You just made my day! :)
Hello! Finding a way to reaching out. God Bless!
That was great! I have to admit I have totally done #4 before. One of these years it will all come together.