I did something humiliating at work last week. Embarassing. Downright degrading.
I cried in front of my boss.
Not just my boss, my male boss.
It's been almost 72 hours, and I am still so red in the face I can hardly stand it. I was dreading going back to work today.
Here's what happened:
Remember last week when, provoked by Mama M's "5 Question Friday" (the first question, specifically), I revealed some reservations about my job? Well, that apparently opened up a whole can of emotion for which I was very ill-prepared. Maybe it's the stress of trying to "have it all". Maybe it's the sheer amount of bad news we've been covering at the station lately. Maybe I can just blame it on the pressures of the November ratings period. Whatever the cause, all I know is that by the end of the day, I was boo-hooing in my male boss's office.
I hate crying at work. It makes me feel weak. It makes me feel like I am pulling out the "oh-poor-pity-me" gender card. It makes me feel like I'm doing a disservice to all working women everywhere.
But seriously, sometimes, a girl can't help it.
I wasn't crying about anything that happened. I was crying about everything that wasn't happening. The promotion I knew I deserved and knew I was ready for, but won't get because I can't commit to the shift change (could you work midnight-9am?). The money I'm not making (I may work in TV, but my lifestyle is neither rich nor famous). But the real reason I was feeling so down was because I am not feeling challenged or inspired at my job. I produce the news. Yes, the parts are different, but every day, my show goes on the at the same time. It always lasts for 60 minutes. It's monotonous. It's repetitive. And sometimes, despite whatever compelling story I'm urging my viewers to watch, I get bored with it.
I know-- specifically, at a time when so many people are out of work and looking for a steady, stable job like mine-- that I should be grateful for everything I have, and I am. Please don't think I'm not, because I really do realize everything I have in my life and I know I'm blessed, and I thank God every night for it all. But what can I say, I'm human, and I want it all. I know that's a weakness, and it's my weakness, and I am trying to overcome it.
And speaking of blessings, my boss didn't react the way I thought he would. He listened. He was compassionate. He looked for solutions. He validated a lot of my concerns, recognized some of the ways I've succeeded, and urged me to focus on the positive instead of the negative. He also promised to help me find more ways to truly "think out of the box" (yes! a TV news cliche made it into this post!), to challenge myself, to inspire myself.
But I did not call in sick today. I went into work with my head held high, knowing that-- while I might have made a fool out of myself on Friday-- today is a new day, a new week, a new chance at a new start. Because, sometimes, even big girls do cry.
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You are so lucky to have such a compassionate boss, I hope he appreciates your honesty, tears and all. I hate crying period but there is nothing like a good cry to let it out, deal with it and then lift your chin up and carry on. Bet you feel better and solutions have been popping into your head since Friday!
BTW, just found your blog and plan to follow :)
I have cried at work before so don't feel bad about it at all! It happens to the best of us.
It is totally okay to have a breakdown at work - especially doing the work you do! Having worked in a television news environment for years, I know just how stressful it can be... and I have seen quite a few tears in our newsroom, too! It is a very stressful job. I hope today you're having a better day.
At'a girl! I know how you feel. Just before I decided to stay home, I was feeling frustrated at work AND was supposed to get a promotion but couldn't commit to the time amount they needed either. It sucks to feel that way!
Hope you're feeling better througout the day!
yikes, you are a corageous woman! That would be so hard! It is true, sometime you do have to just have a good cry to fix things. I am glad that your boss was so wonderful and that hopefully things will be looking up for you!
A few weeks ago I cried in front of my supervisor and HIS supervisor. Like, bawling-could-barely-catch-my-breath crying. It was mortifying, so I totally understand how you feel.
Because you're right, sometimes a girl just can't help it.
I don't think that you were being ungrateful at all. And trust me, I speak from the unemployed "professionals" seat. I have always been of the mind set that being fulfilled at work is important. And liking who you work with is equally important. You end up spending more waking hours with the people we work with than the people we love and treasure. So feeling a sense of happiness and purpose, in order to have any sanity at all, we need that.
Elizabeth - we've all been there, I think, at least once. It's great that he was so understanding. It will get better, I'm sure of it. Thanks so much for stopping by my blog today!! I really appreciate it.
Hi Elizabeth! Thanks for your visit to Ascending Butterfly today! Just because we are in a 'challenging' economic climate to say the least doesn't mean you don't have the right to express your reservations about the path you are currently on. The journey is why we are here, try to make it better in steps that feel comfortable to you everyday. Don't worry that midnight to 8 is where more money is. More money does not offer the long term happiness people think it will. Are you happy in TV? That's question number one! What would you do if money were not an object at all? I am so happy to hear your boss was understanding. His compassion to your feelings are what true 'leadership' is made of! And for your emotions to come pouring out that way means major needs are not being addressed! Today sounds like a great day for a long hot bath, jazz music, and your favorite beverage, a do not disturb sign, a good book and a bath pillow right after work!
Been there... Done that...
I lost when I was told to pretty much go back to the drawing board on a presentation due that night & it was 2PM...
When my boss chose to not overlook my welling eyes and asked me to stay behind when he dismissed our group, I lost it before he even got "is everything okay?"...
When I got my frustrations out, he was actually pretty cool & I felt better. More able to focus on the task at hand...
It sucks, but sometimes it just has to happen...
Oh my gosh, I hear ya', I hear ya', I hear ya'! Been there, done that, was embarassed but lived to work another day.....
Thanks for stopping by my blog. I hope your mom does too.
It happens to us all girl. We can't be robots, even though sometimes we would like to be! Thanks so much for stopping by my blog and leaving me the sweet comments. I really appreciate it! I hope you have an amazing day! Kori xoxo
Sometimes, it's these little breakdowns that actually lead to something better, right! It's great that your boss was so understanding.
Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting on my blog!
Elizabeth - first, thanks for visiting my blog today and leaving a comment - I appreciate it!
In my "wisdom", I've learned we all have panic attacks over stupid things - which I referenced today - and we all sometimes need a good cry. Sometimes we don't get to choose where that cry will happen. When I worked (I'm now retired), I cried at work, too.
It's okay. I'm glad you have such an awesome boss - I wasn't that lucky. My boss was a woman and she saw crying as a weakness - I'm SO glad I don't work there anymore!
Take care - and have a blessed day! Your family is beautiful!
Sherri
You probably feel a lot better now that you've released some of that stress! I happen to think that if guys cried at work, things might be a little less tense all around! And what a good boss you have!
I've cried at work before too, but I don't think in my case it did me any favors. I'm so glad you have a great boss!
Yay you!
We've all been there. I did it on a day when my boss was out of town and I was in charge. I was trying to get somebody to do something and they wouldn't. I guess I'd make a cruddy boss. Thanks for visiting my site the other day. I've added your blog to my follow list.
A new day, a new week.....that's right. Put it behind you now and move on because big girls are allowed to cry and it's okay. At least I think so:)
I've been there, too. But I always work with a bunch of women so everyone cries.
Good for you for going back in with your head held high! Everybody has those days once in awhile. :)
Me too. When I was about 8.75 months preggo, people kept using equipment I needed for experiments. I BALLED and got SO mad... thank heavens DH worked in the same building. He came & saved the day & helped me figure it out. But seriously, I went ballistic, I was SO embarrassed.
I hate crying at work, but sometimes, something's going to explode, kwim?
it's ok...you're no the only one. imagine being a cry baby myself...i cry to almost everyone! well..that was before, hehe. lately, i have no reason to. kindda at peace ;)
visiting from earthy me
You just summed up my life in a nutshell. While I know I'm not out there alone, it's nice to read it. We as women have worked so hard to be respected in the workplace that vulnerability is not an option we generally get, especially if we're the ones who are supposed to be running the show (pardon the pun). You haven't let women down, you've allowed for us to be people too. Thanks for this post.
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