Anchorman: My Job According To Rod Burgundy  

It's sad but true. The majority of what most people know (or, think they know) about my job comes from this man:

Yup, none other than Mr. Rod Burgundy, the voice of San Diego (aka, "The Whale's Vagina"), California. You see, five years ago-- back when I was paying an exorbitant amount of money to earn a graduate degree in a field in which I'd earn basically nothing; namely, journalism-- Will Ferrell came out with this movie that poked more than a little fun at my industry.

No hard feelings... really... it's a field prime for humor... but... We're already a business chalk full of cliches. For example:

"It was a drug deal gone bad"-- ok, which drug deals actually go good?

"The fact of the matter is"-- if they weren't facts, we wouldn't put them on tv...

"A town hit hard by job losses"-- as if job losses were ever welcomed by a community?

Those are just a few. But following Mr. Burgundy and the crew at Newschanel 4, the entire industry became one, gigantic cliche.

Pandamonium, anyone?

So today, it's my goal to teach you a little bit about what I do... and what I don't do.

First of all, it is pure fiction that all TV news anchors are shallow. They're not. Well, not all of them. I'm sure some undoubtedly are. I'm sure there are some who do nothing but primp and preen for the camera, who get angry when their co-anchor gets more face-time than them, who rant and rave at their producer (that would be me) when they don't like a given story. Blessedly, I've never been cursed to work with that type. But there is a misnomer out there (my own mother believed it for years before I got into TV) that these anchors write their own material. THEY DON'T. That's my job! I search for, select, and write all the stories that appear in my one-hour newscast, except for the two or three pieces supplied by my team of local supporters. My anchors just read them. Yes, they insert a little extra information now and then, but by and large, I am the "author", they are merely the editors, the faces that make the story look good on air.

The second fact I want to teach you is about our salaries. You see, a lot of folks think that because I work in TV, I make the big bucks. (Insert laugh here) That couldn't be further from the truth. Actually, I spent $50,000+ for one year of graduate school, only to earn $20,000 at my first job. My salary was so low, that I couldn't even afford to pay my school loans. And while some anchors and reporters do get a clothing/hair/makeup stipend, poor producers like me don't. (But, on the bright side, I can wear jeans any day of the week.)

The third myth about journalism I want to "debunk" is that it's a man's world. Maybe it was back when the fictional Mr. Burgundy was dominating the air waves. Back when smoke clogged up the newsroom, men drank a shot of whiskey before taking to the set, and "sexual harassment" was a PC term still 20 years down the road (sounds like a scene straight out of "Mad Med"). But today, women dominate in our studio. Of my three supervisors, two are women. The majority of our anchors and reporters are, too. It's not surprising, really; women are far more likely to major in English or communications than men these days, two degree fields which really lend themselves well to broadcasting. But in the 1970s, when "Veronica Corningstone" had just graduated from Syracuse University, she was entering a man's world.

Now, not all of Ron Burgundy's assessments of the news industry are wrong. We do "amp up" our coverage four times a year-- times lovingly referred to as "sweeps"-- in February, May, July, and November (and even though today is only October 29th, this is the first day of the November "sweeps"). What does that mean? In layman's terms, it means my life will be utter hell for the next 28 days. It means no vacation days, coming in to work even under the pall of the swine flu, and being at my very best regardless of what's happening out there in the world. It means my station will promote the same story five straight days about the importance of hand sanitizer all in hopes of persuading you to tune in. It means we will produce an hour special on the swine flu and what you can do to protect your family. It means that even the smallest, most mundane piece of information will be exploited beyond belief (again, think Burgundy's "Pandamonium"). Then, when it's all said and done, we will pat ourselves on the back for a job well done and immediately begin focusing on the next four-week period from hell.

Got any more questions? Shoot!

Til then, "Keep it classy, BlogWorld!"